Mommy Dearest

When I was 15 years old I went and got myself pregnant.

Not really, obviously I didn’t get myself pregnant but that how it’s felt most of my life. (Literally most of my life, I’ve now been a mother for longer than not) Yikes.

This is not going to be a complaint rant I promise but if it is so what, my platform!

My sweet ray of sunshine will be 17 this weekend and I can’t get over it.

17 years ago I gave birth to my best friend.

SHUT UP.

Lets be real, while she is my nearest and dearest she is also a huge pain in my ass.

I have parented this child all by myself for 17 years!!

We have gone through a shit storm to get to where we are now and her life is only truly beginning!

Being a mom is so hard, especially when you have a selfish persona, like sharing my food is so hard….relax, she always has her own food when I don’t share.

I’m just saying, 17 years of life.

I was there when she took her first steps to the first time she got caught smoking weed.

We battled and we had break downs  but I love this girl more than life itself.

I might not always like her but I always love her.

Her dad is not a factor, never really has been. From the moment that fool found out about her he’s been a yoyo, back and forth. No stability in her life.

It wasn’t a shocker to me that when she was 8 years old and I decided to relocate us, he didn’t say shit.

I got the “You can’t take my daughter from me!”

“I’m gonna take you to court!”

Blah blah bullshit.

9 years later and life is good. 200 miles away and it couldn’t have been the wiser choice.

Sometimes, I’m exhausted, mentally, physically and even fuckin’ financially.

She has a radar because it’s in those moments that she likes to fuck with me, test me and push my buttons.

I hate arguing with her, she’s too big to spank, I would just hurt myself.

In those moments I don’t even want to see her face or hear her voice, too honest?

I’m  sorry, its feelings and emotions. Its reality, nothing is always peachy keen!

When I say something mean, because I do say mean things sometimes, I instantly feel horrible.

I wait and when she approaches me, again, I let her speak her truths.

I remind myself that while I grew up with a present father, she did not.

My mother was not a teen when she had me, her mother was.

Her life hasn’t been easy and she doesn’t always deserve for me to be an asshole.

Being a MOM is hard, being a single mom to a teen is even HARDER!

If you are a single mom, a former single mom, a former teen mom, a married mom with a lazy husband, keep going. Keep pushing.

Speak your truths and be you, the you that you have always been (before the kids) because we can only keep up the act for so long. We’re human, we’re women and we have fuckin’ emotions and limits.

Its better for these kids and their safety that they find out sooner than later. 😉

PS Your child(ren) are a reflection of you, isn’t mine absolutely gorgeous!?

Mother may I

PSS How do you cope with motherhood, besides wine?

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