Is it starting all over if it’s a new beginning?

BeginningsblogI had my first and only child when I was 15.

She is now 17.

17 years later and God has presented me an opportunity to begin again.

I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years and we are on the brink of marriage and babies.

The conversations and planning make me feel so excited…and nervous.


I changed diapers and did midnight feedings all by myself, the idea of starting all over makes me a little nervous.

I love my boyfriend and I cannot wait to be his wife, I also cannot wait to make him a father so why am I nervous about getting pregnant and having a baby!

We’ve talked about it and I know this time will not be like the first but I cannot help but feel nervous.

I also very much enjoy sleeping.

I’m selfish by nature, (it comes naturally) 😛 Having a baby means giving up sleep among other things.

I question my sanity at times and I wonder if I could start all over, then I ask myself, is it really starting all over if it’s a new beginning?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying the first time didn’t count but did it? I was a child, I was not married, we were not this happy little family. I went to school just 4 hours a day, I lived with my parents and I did not have bills.

I know, it must have been so hard. It was, emotionally it was the most difficult thing I’ve over come. Being a single teen mom is an emotional rollercoaster no girl should have to endure but we do. We mature and grow because that’s real life. I’m grateful that the only burden on my plate was emotional, I don’t know how things would have been had I had to financially support us as well.

I love my child and I chose to have her knowing I would be in it alone, hoping I wouldn’t be but knowing the man who fathered her would never really man up. It was not an easy situation but we survived it.

17 years later and I have a full-time job, a kid graduating from high school and bills!

I’m an adult.

I’m whining, I know. The point is, I’m a grown up now, so why such nerves?

“That’s real life.”    ⇐⇐⇐      this is my boyfriends reply.

Yes, I know, that’s how real grown ups adult.

Maybe the idea of being responsible for another life makes me super nervous, I mean, I’m not done being responsible for the 1st one. I guess as a mom, you’re never really done.

Maybe Im just a selfish asshole who’s only thinking about herself?

Babies, bills, a mortgage, college expenses, wife stuff. (Omg all the wife stuff.)

From the moment I met my boyfriend I wanted to wife him and get him pregnant so my question is, is it starting all over or is it just beginning?

Are my feelings normal?




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