I looked over at him, knowing it would be that last time we would have this argument, fight this same fight.
“I can’t do this anymore.” I whispered to him.
He was angry, his jaw clenched and his fists tightened.
He wouldn’t look at me, he stood beside me, I felt the heat vibrating off his body, he would not turn to look at me. The low light coming from the master bath illuminated his body. I could see the muscle definition in his back, the way it flowed down and over his butt. It is not lack of attraction that is ending this, it’s more lack of respect.
I slipped my panties back on and attempted to position myself in front of him, reaching for his face, he pushed my hands away.
I was immediately filled with anger. This was not my doing, the fault was not to be placed on me. Yes, I was ending things but it was because of his lies, his deceit, all the bullshit he’d put me through. He emotionally manipulated me to stay and wait, to hold on.
“Have some faith in me, wait just a little bit longer.” He would plead.
I could hear his voice in my head; over and over the empty promises he made replaying, serving as a reminder, giving me the necessary courage.
I walked out of the bedroom and into the living room where the whole mess had begun. I knew when he said he wanted to talk that we would somehow end up naked. The heated conversation quickly turning into an argument that inevitably led us to the bedroom. Some how, we always ended up naked and in a bedroom, or closet, or jacuzzi.
It was there in the middle of our sexscapade that I broke down. Completely side swiping him, he had not expected me to react, to cry the way I did but I couldn’t contain myself anymore. He was watching me now as I began to dress, slipping my t-shirt on. I shoved my bra into my purse.
No need, no time. Just go before he convinces you otherwise.
As I reached for my jeans I felt him, his arms wrapped around my waist, he pulled me towards him, turning me to face him.
He received no resistance from me.
“Don’t do this.” The words he knew I wanted to hear, the words I knew would come,”Don’t end this.”
There we stood in the darkness, a darkness we once thrived in.
I cradled his face in my hands, “This was done a long time ago.”
The tears ran freely down my cheeks and I wasn’t angry anymore. I wiped the tears away realizing his eyes were brimming with tears. I let him go, pulling away I slipped my jeans on, sliding my feet into my converse, no socks necessary, I shoved them into the purse with my bra.
I looked him over one last time, he was strong, built solid. I had loved that about him, he had made me feel so safe once upon a time but he didn’t offer that anymore.
I turned to walk out the front door.
“Jordan. If you leave, if you walk out that door, don’t you look for me again.” His words were mean and I hesitated for just a second before walking out the door.