Sometimes I need a minute.
I’ll sit in my car before going into my home because I know my teen is in there, waiting for me. Waiting so that she can ruin the mood I’m in or alter the feelings twirling about.
Sometimes I need to be alone. I need to sit in my room, in the shower or on the toilet for just a minute without being bombarded with rants and complaints.
I’m literally in the shower for 2.5 seconds when the door opens and I hear, “Mom.”
I thought this shit would stop when she was old enough to make her own sandwich or look for her own lost whatever it is.
Then when I explode, because let us be real, no sane woman can go and go without combusting, I feel guilty.
I feel guilty for wanting to be alone.
I feel guilty for not wanting to hear her complaints or listen to her whine about things that are just not that serious.
I feel guilty for not wanting to be around her.
I feel guilty for typing all this.
The mom guilt gets the better of me and then I feel like shit for being a Bad Mom.
I never hear, “Thanks, mom.”
Just, “Thanks, mom.”
Not for buying her something or giving her something because I’m the best mom in the world when she’s gotten something from me that she wants but that, “thanks, mom.” for just being.
How about a fuckin thank you for just being your mom.
For giving you life.
For being your parent.
Am I wrong to want simple appreciation for what is?
Am I wrong for complaining?
Fuck no I’m not.
Mom guilt gets the best of me but why can I ignore my significant other when he pisses me off and not my child?
Why can I expressly be annoyed by him or his actions and not my childs.
We don’t want to hurt her feelings, what about my feelings?
I am a mom, I am a woman and I have feelings and emotions too.
Sometimes, sometimes, I just need a minute.