Why is it so hard for us to let go of toxic people?
We make excuses for them and about them, about their actions or lack of actions.
We have a kid or kids with said person and in our minds that designates this person with a lifetime of do-overs.
I have a baby daddy and letting him go was hard, until it wasn’t.
I’ve been lost in infatuation and love and letting go of that man was hard until it wasn’t. (different guy, FYI.)
My point is that when you’re in the thick of it, in the midst of the madness you can’t see said person for who they really are, man or woman. Baby daddy or baby momma.
Letting go of a man who doesn’t serve you isn’t easy. I am the first to admit that when we want something all logic goes out the window.
I was 15 when I had my daughter, until the age of 18, her father was the only man I’d ever been with, sexually and emotionally.
The second guy came into my life while I was pregnant, making it a difficult situation for all involved, especially me. How was I supposed to handle a situation so complicated?
I got my chance to try with, “right guy wrong time” guy, right before turning 18. In short, things did not go the way I hoped. In fact, they turned out to be much more complicated and it took me two years to move on. He would come and go and I would come and go. In that time, I went back to my baby daddy, not because we were meant to be or because I loved him but simply because I could. It didn’t matter that he was an ass or a monster, what mattered was that he was familiar. Baby daddy so desperately wanted to be in control of me and our relationship that he also came and went when necessary. That is called costumbre, a crazy kind of comfort that shitty relationships give us because we’re used to them.
That is not healthy.
It’s bullshit. It’s drama. It’s pain.
I went through my share of men and relationships and I realized that the only reason I suffered was that I allowed myself to.
Is that what you’re doing? Are you allowing yourself to suffer?
You can do everything right, you can be the perfect woman and if that man is not ready or he is unwilling to do right, it won’t matter. That man has to want to do right by you and he has to be ready. Women make the mistake of waiting or trying to fix him and make him ready, make him want the same. You can walk away and find a man who is ready and willing, a man who wants what you want or you can stand idly by waiting for a man to become ready and willing. But until that man WANTS to do right by you, he won’t.
STOP waiting for a man who is unwilling.
STOP trying to convince him that you’re the one.
STOP putting him and the relationship before you and your self-worth.
I know it’s easier said than done but how much longer are you going to waste your life?
It was hard for me until it wasn’t.
You’ll get to “it wasn’t” much sooner if you accept the reality of your situation and let go.
Not everyone is meant to stay, not everyone deserves or wants to be saved. Some people are meant to be was and used to be. Figure out who’s who and move on.
STOP making excuses, so what he was your first, you’ve invested years, you have a kid or two, so what?
One baby daddy
Two baby daddy
Three baby daddy
Four…who the fuck cares. You don’t deserve to play second best. You are not trapped or stuck. You’re confused and scared because change is scary and letting go is hard but it’s worth it. Walk away with your head held high. You have an example to set, self-worth matters more than how many baby daddy’s you have.
Life happens while you’re busy trying to make a man want you, do yourself a favor and walk away.
Walk away and I promise if he’s meant to be yours he won’t let you.
Men are not as complicated as we think, they either want it or they don’t. It’s not confusing for them, they may have conflicting feelings at times but they know when they want someone and they do what they gotta do.
So you do what you gotta do until the right man, the willing man comes along. ♥
How do you feel about this topic and this post? Would you be willing to read a book dedicated to this subject? My newest book is directed and dedicated to women, a guide of sorts to let go.
I’m hoping to release mid-summer and if you’d like details to pre-order or receive a pre-release copy drop a comment, leave your email or simply subscribe to the blog! Gracias!