Expectations

I wanna know why we let our emotions get the better of us?

Why does a woman allow her heart to over power her mind?

We know when we are wrong, we know when we gotta let go and we truly know when we have to move on and yet we don’t.

Is it stubbornness?

Is it ego?

Is it love?

Who the fuck knows?

You do bitch. You know.

It’s you being a fuckin terca, throwing a fucking tantrum bc a man told you no.

Because you ain’t getting what you expected.

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Expectation is a tricky bitch.

Are you one of them that jumps from dude to dude with high expectations?

Are you a hopeless romantic?

Are you afraid of being alone?

It’s not them, it’s us.

Don’t expect a man to fix you.

Don’t expect a man to fix your life.

A man, a fiancé, a husband isn’t gonna fix shit.

Fix yourself so that when the right man comes along you won’t be expecting anything but genuine love from him and be wise enough to know that if he isn’t giving it willingly, he isn’t going to.

On the other end of that spectrum, when you know, you know.

Nothing, not time, not distance, not bumps in the road will steer you off track. You’ll make it, together.

And when I say bumps in the road I don’t mean infidelity or shit that you bring into the relationship. I mean the shit that is out of your control, things that happen in life that you are unprepared for.

Stop fighting for a man who can’t keep his dick in check. Or check yourself and stop giving your pussy to random dudes.

Keeping it real, we can be shady too.

Don’t bring in extra drama, relationships are hard enough without someone adding to the mix.

So again I ask, why do we allow our emotions to run shit? When your mind is clearly giving you the answers when your gut is screaming at you, why do we listen to our bleeding heart?

At the end of the day, the only person you should expect anything from is yourself.

You should expect yourself to be at peace when you’re alone.

You should expect yourself to pay your own damn bills.

You should expect yourself to know the difference between love and lust.

You should only expect greatness from yourself.

You.

Put you first and everything else will align.

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The weight of you.

A man.

In my eyes, you are a man.

Always my protector.

Never neglect me.

I miss you, your arms, your strength, and your tenderness

The smell of you, the weight of you

Affection

Desire

Lust

Love

Whole-heartedly I gave myself to you.

Every part of me, all of me

Whichever way you wanted me, you had me.

Time goes on, time heals

Yet here I am.

Waiting on you, wanting you, to feel the weight of you.

A simple touch turns me on, I feel you, unshaven, tickling me with desire.

A look of need, a look of angst and want.

You want it and yet you won’t allow yourself

Fall, just let go and fall.

Slip into me.

Love me.

Don’t think too much, don’t doubt it, don’t dismiss it, instead embrace it

Hold on to it and protect it

Miss me, remember me.

Wake up next to me, pull me in and hold me close

My body squirms in anticipation

Love me, make love to me…….hold on to me, don’t let go.

A little bit of history on this one:

I wrote this a few years ago when Memo and I were on the verge of letting our relationship end. I couldn’t fathom the idea of letting him go, it didn’t make sense, walking away never felt right. Our issues were not those of scandal, we were just in two different places, emotionally. I fell in love quickly and he didn’t. No shame in that, it took him a little bit longer to give into his emotions but he did and now….the sky is the limit. ♥

 

 

What a man wants, matters.

Why is it so hard for us to let go of toxic people?

We make excuses for them and about them, about their actions or lack of actions.

We have a kid or kids with said person and in our minds that designates this person with a lifetime of do-overs.

Um, no.

I have a baby daddy and letting him go was hard, until it wasn’t.

I’ve been lost in infatuation and love and letting go of that man was hard until it wasn’t. (different guy, FYI.)

My point is that when you’re in the thick of it, in the midst of the madness you can’t see said person for who they really are, man or woman. Baby daddy or baby momma.

Letting go of a man who doesn’t serve you isn’t easy. I am the first to admit that when we want something all logic goes out the window.

I was 15 when I had my daughter, until the age of 18, her father was the only man I’d ever been with, sexually and emotionally.

The second guy came into my life while I was pregnant, making it a difficult situation for all involved, especially me. How was I supposed to handle a situation so complicated?

I got my chance to try with, “right guy wrong time” guy, right before turning 18. In short, things did not go the way I hoped. In fact, they turned out to be much more complicated and it took me two years to move on. He would come and go and I would come and go. In that time, I went back to my baby daddy, not because we were meant to be or because I loved him but simply because I could. It didn’t matter that he was an ass or a monster, what mattered was that he was familiar. Baby daddy so desperately wanted to be in control of me and our relationship that he also came and went when necessary. That is called costumbre, a crazy kind of comfort that shitty relationships give us because we’re used to them.

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That is not healthy.

It’s bullshit. It’s drama. It’s pain.

I went through my share of men and relationships and I realized that the only reason I suffered was that I allowed myself to.

Me.

Is that what you’re doing? Are you allowing yourself to suffer?

You can do everything right, you can be the perfect woman and if that man is not ready or he is unwilling to do right, it won’t matter. That man has to want to do right by you and he has to be ready. Women make the mistake of waiting or trying to fix him and make him ready, make him want the same. You can walk away and find a man who is ready and willing, a man who wants what you want or you can stand idly by waiting for a man to become ready and willing. But until that man WANTS to do right by you, he won’t.

STOP waiting for a man who is unwilling.

STOP trying to convince him that you’re the one.

STOP putting him and the relationship before you and your self-worth.

I know it’s easier said than done but how much longer are you going to waste your life?

It was hard for me until it wasn’t.

You’ll get to “it wasn’t” much sooner if you accept the reality of your situation and let go.

Not everyone is meant to stay, not everyone deserves or wants to be saved. Some people are meant to be was and used to be. Figure out who’s who and move on.

STOP making excuses, so what he was your first, you’ve invested years, you have a kid or two, so what?

One baby daddy

Two baby daddy

Three baby daddy

Four…who the fuck cares. You don’t deserve to play second best. You are not trapped or stuck. You’re confused and scared because change is scary and letting go is hard but it’s worth it. Walk away with your head held high. You have an example to set, self-worth matters more than how many baby daddy’s you have.

Life happens while you’re busy trying to make a man want you, do yourself a favor and walk away.

Walk away and I promise if he’s meant to be yours he won’t let you.

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Men are not as complicated as we think, they either want it or they don’t. It’s not confusing for them, they may have conflicting feelings at times but they know when they want someone and they do what they gotta do.

So you do what you gotta do until the right man, the willing man comes along. ♥

How do you feel about this topic and this post? Would you be willing to read a book dedicated to this subject? My newest book is directed and dedicated to women, a guide of sorts to let go.

Do you love yourself enough

I’m hoping to release mid-summer and if you’d like details to pre-order or receive a pre-release copy drop a comment, leave your email or simply subscribe to the blog! Gracias!

 

I gave up my life for you.

At times I feel like I deserve a do over.

And then I feel guilty for thinking such things.

The weight of the world has always been on my shoulders.

To be a mom is God’s greatest gift, to be a single mom, perhaps a blessing and a curse.

When she gets restless and acts ungrateful I feel a resentment burn inside me.

I gave up my life for you, perhaps a better life and you wanna talk back to me? You wanna fight and argue with me when I say no.

A resentful feeling of frustration manifest inside of me and then the guilt comes, never far behind.

I can’t feel any other emotions because the guilt is always in the distance over shadowing any other sense of emotion.

I gave up my life for you and you don’t even realize it.

My time, my energy, my sense of control and my peace, never have I felt so vulnerable and helpless.

He calls and has a 30 minute conversation, gives you a couple bucks and he’s done his duty for the week perhaps the month and here I stand, disregarded and disrespected.

I gave up my life for you and I’m the bad parent.

I’m the one who hands out punishments and deals with the stress and the headaches, let’s not even talk about the heartaches.

I gave up another life for you, one where I’m selfish.

At times I feel like I deserve a do over.

A guilt manifests so deep inside that I can’t shake the idea of no you, no me.

He gave up nothing for you and somehow his guilt doesn’t consume him.

Somehow you can forgive him and love him despite it.

He feels no guilt, he feels no shame.

He feels no worry, no stress or heartbreak.

I gave up myself for you.

At times the weight is too hard to carry, at times too much to bear and so I cry.

I cry because I can’t control you and I worry.

You have no idea what the weight of the world feels like.

You have no idea, Life doesn’t offer a do over.

Karma

Karma…is she not magnificent?

When you least expect it she comes and kicks your ass or in the best case scenario, she redeems you in the perfect moment.

Why do I say she? Well let’s be real, only a woman could be so vengeful, only a woman could perfectly time sweet revenge or validation.

Whether Karma is coming to your defense or to completely ruin your life, she’s coming.pexels-photo-212410.jpeg

As most of you know, I have been writing a book entitled “Do you love yourself, enough to love yourself?” 12 steps to getting you out from under him and finally getting the fu$k over him! In this how-to, help book of sorts, I ask that you list 5 reasons why you need to let him go. I’m going to help you and provide you with one reason, KARMA.

Yes, ladies, karma should be the number one reason you let go and let him be. Sometimes relationships don’t work and that’s ok, even if you have a kid or two or three! When a man is not meant for you and you hold on you are creating instant karma. He is not for you.

Repeat after me,

“He is not for me, God knows why even if I don’t”

How is that bad or negative karma? It’s simple, if you’re really honest with yourself you know exactly why things are over or why they never truly began in some cases, so go over those reasons and then insert the karmic effects.

♠ You were the other woman, whether you knew or not, karma will come back for you. (or vice versa)

♠ You lied to him, you cheated on him or vice versa, karma will have her way with you and if it was him doing the lying and cheating, karma will validate you, you just have to step aside and let her do her work.

♠ You’re not in the same headspace, you can’t see eye to eye, you want more than he’s willing to give you.. or vice versa. Karma knows when and how she will remind you of the man you could not let go, she will remind you how you made his life difficult because he wasn’t ready. Or the total opposite, she will validate you.

 

Let go of him for you, for your karmic bank. Fill that account with nothing but ROI’s!

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Seriously, if a man is truly meant for you, even a break or time apart won’t change that. Let time and karma do what they do.

 

PS. I will be giving away 5 copies of my latest book, “Do you love yourself enough to love yourself?” Like the post, leave a comment, share on your social, subscribe to the blog via email whichever one (or all) works for you to be entered!! Thank you lovelies!!

 

Soul Mates Matter

A soul mate by definition is 1: a person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament. 2: a person who strongly resembles another in attitudes or beliefs; ideological soul mates.

Carrie Bradshaw once said,

“Maybe our girlfriends are our soul mates and guys are just people to have fun with.”

The woman is a genius.

How is it that a man would find himself perfectly suited to a woman in temperament?

Maybe a man and a woman could have similar attitudes and beliefs but I do not believe we are suited in temperament.

Men and women are different, built differently, we vibe off each other in that sentiment.

With that being said, your soul mate is not a man silly.

Your soul mate has been by your side as the men have come and gone from your life.

Your soul mate has never judged you, instead has told you exactly what you did not want to hear and then supported you when you went ahead and did what you wanted to anyway.

Never, not once has she abandoned you, maybe given you some space because let’s be honest, you needed it.

I am a lucky woman, you see I do not have a soul mate, I have soul mates.♥

Women who have made my journey through life a little less rocky and a lot more enjoyable.

My soul mates have hung tight through bouts of selfishness and immaturity and I’d like to say that I have done the same.

Every tribe of women has within it specific rolls that each soul mate fills, these rolls intertwine with one another creating this tribe that holds strong through all the dramatic bullshit life likes to throw your way.

We have the mature and responsible one, the one who maintained a job while going to school and made sure we all got home in one piece.

Even on nights, we didn’t want to.

 

Which one of your soul mates is the loud and overly dramatic one, maybe a couple of you have this role locked down?

Then you’ve got the ambitious one of the bunch, the one who will one day be famous, if not for her talents but for murder or fraud.. me, you or her?

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And then you’ve got the floater.

You love her dearly and trust her with your life and her having her own social circle outside of your tribe is totally acceptable.

The reality is anyone of these descriptions could fit you or anyone of your soul mates, my point being you are all suited to each other in temperament.

Soul mates by the utter definition of the word.

No relationship is easy to maintain, especially not one that involves several women.

We say mean things about each other, to each other.

We voice our opinions often and without fear because we are suited to do so.

Now you may be thinking that you could pinpoint one woman to each definition but sit and think about it, you are all one in the same. You are all responsible when necessary, you have all been crazy and dramatic, you’re all ambitious in life and you have created friendships and relationships outside of your safe zone.

Women are unique by nature, predictable at times and at other times we have moments in life that even throw our soul mates for a loop.

On many occasions, we have thrown each other for complete and total loops. Doing things that we ourselves had not anticipated but life gave us choices and we made decisions.

My soul mates are many miles from me but when I see them we pick up right where we left off. Life and time have kept moving as it always will, bringing with it, boyfriends, husbands, babies, divorces, and relocations.

Hold onto these women, love and appreciate them because like all relationships, they took work, time and effort.

What is your longest running friendship?

Can you see yourself without these women?

 

 

 

Amor o Costumbre?

Amor, Amor? Oh, solamente costumbre?

Do you know the difference between love and comfort?

The kind of comfort that offers a false sense of security.

The kind of comfort that is an everyday routine you’ve grown accustomed to?

To change it would be too difficult, too messy!

Some of us get stuck in this rut and we don’t even realize it’s a rut.

In Spanish, there is a saying of sorts, more of a question, “es amor, oh es costumbre?”

 

How do you know if you are in love or simply too comfortable to begin again?

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I get it, who wants to throw away years of faking it?

That’s what you’re doing, your faking it.

Stop it.

If you are simply in a relationship because it would take too much effort to remove yourself from it, you are fucking up your relationship with yourself. That’s the most important relationship of all.

If you have kids, what kind of example are you setting? I’m not judging, I get it, it’s hard but I also know that once you realize the reality of your relationship, you’ll be better off.

I once was an angry person, a negative person, a short-tempered person.

I was in the wrong relationship and I was hurting myself emotionally because I could not develop the courage to get out.

No, that’s a lie, I just didn’t want to start again. Even at a young age, the idea of starting over, all over with someone was so stressful that I didn’t want to do it.

I finally moved on and let go and I found myself.

I found me. The woman I was meant to be.

It wasn’t easy but it wasn’t boring either.

Life is meant to be lived and it’s too short to be lived comfortably.

Find someone who challenges you, who motivates you and pushes you.

Be someone who challenges, motivates and pushes.

How long are you going to hold onto the wrong type of love?

Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation?

Tell me how you overcame! (share, share!)

Do you love yourself enough?

My question to you today is, Do you love yourself enough to love yourself?

 

If so why do you allow yourself to take the backseat?

Why put him ahead of you?

A man who truly loves you, a man who truly respects you would not allow you to put him first.

He would undoubtedly put you first, above his own needs and expect you to do the same.

Regardless of who “he” is, husband, fiancée, boyfriend or just a “friend”.

If he values you and respects you, your wellbeing will always come before his.

A smart man knows and understands that an unhappy woman can bring down an entire empire.

That’s a fact.

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If your man is ready to hold you up then he will put you above all else.

Now, with that being said, men, I am not saying to sacrifice your own well-being but this woman is the heart of your home or at least you’re hoping she will be, right? If not why are you wasting her time and yours?

As the heart, the center, she needs to beat freely, without feeling overwhelmed and stressed.

Protect her, take care of her as you would your own heart.pexels-photo-415779.jpeg

Women, don’t use this man, don’t abuse his love.

As his woman, while you are the heart, he is the head.

Appreciate him and give him clarity, give him confidence.

A good man and a good woman can accomplish more together than apart.

No one wants to be single forever but no one should feel trapped or have to take a back seat.

So I say, love yourself enough.

Take care of you so you can take care of him but don’t self-sacrifice.

Don’t feel sorry for a man who can’t feel sorry enough for himself to make a change.

When you can’t figure out why you’re still in the relationship ask yourself, is this healthy, am I loving myself by staying in this relationship or am I being self-destructive?

Ladies, love yourself enough to love yourself.

Please share with me any thoughts or relatable stories in regards to this topic! I’d love to hear from you!

 

 

 

I got that Good, Good

My heart is full and YES, it is because of a man, my man.

Before I start please know that I am all for being independent and not needing a man to fulfill you BUT when you got a good man, you just gotta speak on it.

Let me GLOW. ♥♥

I’ve chosen a few select words to express my love for this man so that he and you all can fully understand

Grateful, I am beyond grateful to have him in my life, in our lives. I didn’t believe men like him existed, he is most definitely one of a kind. From his morals to his deepest thoughts, he is genuine and true. Which is why I worried about his reaction towards my recently self-published book, Heart First, Head Later, it’s all about my past, my sexual encounters and my struggles as a young girl becoming a woman. It’s real and raw and I wanted it to be that way so that women and young girls could relate and know that they are not alone in these struggles! Let’s be real, no man wants to know in such depth or detail about your past but I felt a calling for it, through it I could make a difference. Even if just one girl reads it and forgives herself for the mistakes of her past, I’ve accomplished what I set out to do. Would he get that? Would he accept that? I had a heart to heart with one of my soulmates and she said to me,

“Have Faith.”

Faith, if the word itself doesn’t make you smile, try to have a little faith, in anything, just make a real effort and see what comes of it.

She said to me, “Have Faith in God first, then have faith in him and your relationship.”

She was right, all I needed was a little faith, the same faith that carried us through our break up and that has carried us in our relationship thus far. We started out awkward, I was too pushy and he resisted, I can be overwhelming at times but I knew and he knew and we just let faith take the lead. God’s been very busy in our lives and I owe that to my faith. I’ll admit I don’t go to church, I cannot remember that last time I was in a church but my faith has never wavered.

My faith in him, my man, has only gotten stronger. He has given me all reasons to believe that he loves me and my kid, now his kid. He read my book, in one sitting, (It’s that juicy I guess.) he was not very happy with what he read and after we talked it out, he got it. He understood the purpose of it and he supports me in what I do. We are strong, we know who we are, together and apart. He is my best friend. (Don’t puke, it’s not that sappy!)

Appreciation, I mean, he has taken on my child as his own. The good, the bad and the really fucked up. My soon to be 18 year old is very much a handful, she ain’t easy but he takes things in stride, such patience and determination. He has motivated her to do so much,  she’s excited about college and her grades have seriously improved and while I would love to take credit for that, it was all him. I could list out a million reasons why I appreciate this man, but by far the most meaningful is his relationship with my mini.

Blessed, we truly are blessed. As two separate people, we have been blessed in life. Together, our blessings have only just begun. (See that’s faith.) Our families, his and mine, love us, love me, love him, they’re all waiting for that proposal moment…. (hint, hint!)

In all seriousness, we’ve been blessed to find each other and to keep our relationship together. Some people don’t realize what they have until they no longer have it, I know what I have. I know what is worth and I value it.

Maybe I’m just Lucky in love?

Maybe, or maybe God just has this planned out all along.

When you got that Good, Good man, love him, appreciate him, be grateful and have faith. Your blessings will come in abundance!

♥♥♥