The weight of you.

A man.

In my eyes, you are a man.

Always my protector.

Never neglect me.

I miss you, your arms, your strength, and your tenderness

The smell of you, the weight of you

Affection

Desire

Lust

Love

Whole-heartedly I gave myself to you.

Every part of me, all of me

Whichever way you wanted me, you had me.

Time goes on, time heals

Yet here I am.

Waiting on you, wanting you, to feel the weight of you.

A simple touch turns me on, I feel you, unshaven, tickling me with desire.

A look of need, a look of angst and want.

You want it and yet you won’t allow yourself

Fall, just let go and fall.

Slip into me.

Love me.

Don’t think too much, don’t doubt it, don’t dismiss it, instead embrace it

Hold on to it and protect it

Miss me, remember me.

Wake up next to me, pull me in and hold me close

My body squirms in anticipation

Love me, make love to me…….hold on to me, don’t let go.

A little bit of history on this one:

I wrote this a few years ago when Memo and I were on the verge of letting our relationship end. I couldn’t fathom the idea of letting him go, it didn’t make sense, walking away never felt right. Our issues were not those of scandal, we were just in two different places, emotionally. I fell in love quickly and he didn’t. No shame in that, it took him a little bit longer to give into his emotions but he did and now….the sky is the limit. ♥

 

 

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A letter to my younger self.

Dear Julie,

At some point in your life, you’re going to find yourself fighting for a man who isn’t yours. You will eventually realize that you took your bruised heart from one unworthy man to another. He will seem right but I promise you he is all wrong. You have let him go before and you will let him go again. He won’t make it easy to walk away, in fact, when you finally build the courage to let go he will pull you back in.

Being who you are and loving the way you do, you will let him.

You will make a million mistakes for him and because of him but don’t worry they won’t matter. They will allow you to learn yourself and grow into yourself. The men who come into your life after him will help you heal, also allowing you to learn about yourself. They will serve their purpose and then you will move on.

There will be a chapter in your life where you will find yourself alone but I promise you will find the light. All of your life experiences will serve you. You see, there is a man waiting for you. A man who will make you realize and help you understand why nothing else seemed to fit. This man will love you. YOU. Who you truly are. He will be the one to give you that final push into womanhood, allowing you to grow into yourself. He will treasure every bit of you, I promise. Your past, your present and your future, all a means to love you.

So, go ahead, live your life, love the way you love, make mistakes and learn your lessons. Your life will be all that you envisioned and all that you’ve desired. Be patient and humble, trust yourself and love yourself. Not only will you find the love of a real man but you will love you, unconditionally.

You will be one badass woman.

xo,

Your future self.

 

P.S.

Oh and this mom thing, you’ve got it handled but you should know the older she gets the more like you she will become, sort of.

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What a man wants, matters.

Why is it so hard for us to let go of toxic people?

We make excuses for them and about them, about their actions or lack of actions.

We have a kid or kids with said person and in our minds that designates this person with a lifetime of do-overs.

Um, no.

I have a baby daddy and letting him go was hard, until it wasn’t.

I’ve been lost in infatuation and love and letting go of that man was hard until it wasn’t. (different guy, FYI.)

My point is that when you’re in the thick of it, in the midst of the madness you can’t see said person for who they really are, man or woman. Baby daddy or baby momma.

Letting go of a man who doesn’t serve you isn’t easy. I am the first to admit that when we want something all logic goes out the window.

I was 15 when I had my daughter, until the age of 18, her father was the only man I’d ever been with, sexually and emotionally.

The second guy came into my life while I was pregnant, making it a difficult situation for all involved, especially me. How was I supposed to handle a situation so complicated?

I got my chance to try with, “right guy wrong time” guy, right before turning 18. In short, things did not go the way I hoped. In fact, they turned out to be much more complicated and it took me two years to move on. He would come and go and I would come and go. In that time, I went back to my baby daddy, not because we were meant to be or because I loved him but simply because I could. It didn’t matter that he was an ass or a monster, what mattered was that he was familiar. Baby daddy so desperately wanted to be in control of me and our relationship that he also came and went when necessary. That is called costumbre, a crazy kind of comfort that shitty relationships give us because we’re used to them.

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That is not healthy.

It’s bullshit. It’s drama. It’s pain.

I went through my share of men and relationships and I realized that the only reason I suffered was that I allowed myself to.

Me.

Is that what you’re doing? Are you allowing yourself to suffer?

You can do everything right, you can be the perfect woman and if that man is not ready or he is unwilling to do right, it won’t matter. That man has to want to do right by you and he has to be ready. Women make the mistake of waiting or trying to fix him and make him ready, make him want the same. You can walk away and find a man who is ready and willing, a man who wants what you want or you can stand idly by waiting for a man to become ready and willing. But until that man WANTS to do right by you, he won’t.

STOP waiting for a man who is unwilling.

STOP trying to convince him that you’re the one.

STOP putting him and the relationship before you and your self-worth.

I know it’s easier said than done but how much longer are you going to waste your life?

It was hard for me until it wasn’t.

You’ll get to “it wasn’t” much sooner if you accept the reality of your situation and let go.

Not everyone is meant to stay, not everyone deserves or wants to be saved. Some people are meant to be was and used to be. Figure out who’s who and move on.

STOP making excuses, so what he was your first, you’ve invested years, you have a kid or two, so what?

One baby daddy

Two baby daddy

Three baby daddy

Four…who the fuck cares. You don’t deserve to play second best. You are not trapped or stuck. You’re confused and scared because change is scary and letting go is hard but it’s worth it. Walk away with your head held high. You have an example to set, self-worth matters more than how many baby daddy’s you have.

Life happens while you’re busy trying to make a man want you, do yourself a favor and walk away.

Walk away and I promise if he’s meant to be yours he won’t let you.

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Men are not as complicated as we think, they either want it or they don’t. It’s not confusing for them, they may have conflicting feelings at times but they know when they want someone and they do what they gotta do.

So you do what you gotta do until the right man, the willing man comes along. ♥

How do you feel about this topic and this post? Would you be willing to read a book dedicated to this subject? My newest book is directed and dedicated to women, a guide of sorts to let go.

Do you love yourself enough

I’m hoping to release mid-summer and if you’d like details to pre-order or receive a pre-release copy drop a comment, leave your email or simply subscribe to the blog! Gracias!

 

12 Steps

Hello, my lovelies!!! As promised you are receiving a sneak peek into what I have been working on! Bust out the champagne, it’s a big freakin’ deal!

 

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After writing my first book, Heart First, Head Later it dawned on me. I have had my heart truly shattered on one occasion, by one stupid boy. Why? Why was that break so emotionally life altering? Well, it was because of my own expectations and the way it ended. While he has not been the only boy to cause me hurt, he was the one who flipped my crazy girl starter switch, the one who provoked stalking and crazy rationalizations.

In short, I didn’t understand why or how things ended before they genuinely had a chance to truly begin. This resulted in a carousel of insecurities and confusion not only in regards to him but more importantly, me.

Why was I not good enough, what had I done to deserve this and so on and so forth…

The truth is, he was just that guy. He was the one who provoked the woman I was always meant to be. We all have to experience this type of break, this type of confusion and hurt, it’s part of life. It allows you to grow into yourself, your truest self.

He is not what matters, it’s the experience and what it taught me that truly matters.

My sophomore book, Do you love yourself enough to love yourself?, is 12 steps that I believe will help women move the fuck on from a shattered heart. It is solely my opinion based on my experience, maybe you won’t agree with my steps, maybe you’ll laugh at how relatable and real these steps are, you probably don’t need me to tell you these steps but in writing this book I not only wanted you to take the steps to move forward but I want you to know that if you did this already, you’re 100% normal. I say it all the time, we as women have so much in common and I believe we should use that commonality to rule the world. Don’t you agree?giphy1

So without further ado…I give you the contents page and the intro!

 

CONTENTS

 

 

Intro
1 Cry
2 Perspective
3 Talk about it
4 Acknowledge & Accept
5 Move on
6 Now REALLY move on
7 Love yourself
8 Social Media Blackout
9 Makeover
10

11

Forgive

Let Go

12 Smile

 

 

Intro

 

 

He has done just about everything he can do.

He has said all the shit he knows will break you and yet you stay.

You stay because it’s too hard to leave.

It’s too hard to start all over.

You have kids together and to begin again, at your age? Pfff.

Perhaps you do not have kids together but you have given him so many years, your good years.

It is just too hard to start all over.

Say’s who?

You?

Him?

“Who is going to accept you this way?” His voice is condescending and rude.

Instead of building your confidence he breaks you, this makes it so much harder for you to listen to the woman inside you.

The woman begging and screaming to get out and breath!

You have so much potential and yet he hinders it.

He keeps you from glowing.

He holds you down in a negative way, piling on the bullshit.

The weight of the world is on your shoulders, why because he’s got his own dreams and how dare you not support them?

What about you babe?

What about your dreams?

What dreams, you have reality to deal with.

A fridge to stock, rent to pay, you know that grown-up life.

Let’ stop for a minute.

Take a step back and look at your situation, are you really in love?

Oh es solamente costumbre?

Is it a comfort that in some random way makes you feel safe?

It is a false sense of security.

Are you unsure?

Let me help.

Do you think about packing up all his shit and leaving it out on the curb?

Do you find yourself daydreaming about meeting another man?

Do you dream of being single and independent?

Let’s be clear, you would rock this independent single woman, single mom shit.

If you could just manage to remove yourself from the toxic comfort zone that you’re in.

I once packed up my exes shit in a plastic bag and sent his ass back to his momma’s house on foot. (More than once if we’re being honest.)

I didn’t feel bad because if his lame ass hadn’t been a dick, he wouldn’t have gotten the boot.

If his lame ass had a job and a car, he wouldn’t have had to walk home.

Never feel sorry for a man who doesn’t feel sorry enough for himself to make a change.”

Do not support him.

Emotionally or financially, if a man can’t hold himself up, he’ll never hold you up the way he should.

 

“Sometimes you gotta do that cold-hearted shit because that’s the only option they leave you.”

 

I want to help you find yourself again.

You deserve all the good this world has to offer.

I’m sure you’ve made mistakes and done regrettable things, we all have. None of those mistakes have committed you to a life sentence of misery.

You do not deserve to be treated like anything less than the vibrant, gorgeous woman you are.

Let’s get that glow back!!

In 12 steps, I am going to give you back to you!

Let’s get out from under him and finally get the fuck over him!

 

EEEK you just got your first sneak peek!! Let me know what you think? Thank you so much for following me on my writing journey, I truly appreciate you all! 

 

 

I gave up my life for you.

At times I feel like I deserve a do over.

And then I feel guilty for thinking such things.

The weight of the world has always been on my shoulders.

To be a mom is God’s greatest gift, to be a single mom, perhaps a blessing and a curse.

When she gets restless and acts ungrateful I feel a resentment burn inside me.

I gave up my life for you, perhaps a better life and you wanna talk back to me? You wanna fight and argue with me when I say no.

A resentful feeling of frustration manifest inside of me and then the guilt comes, never far behind.

I can’t feel any other emotions because the guilt is always in the distance over shadowing any other sense of emotion.

I gave up my life for you and you don’t even realize it.

My time, my energy, my sense of control and my peace, never have I felt so vulnerable and helpless.

He calls and has a 30 minute conversation, gives you a couple bucks and he’s done his duty for the week perhaps the month and here I stand, disregarded and disrespected.

I gave up my life for you and I’m the bad parent.

I’m the one who hands out punishments and deals with the stress and the headaches, let’s not even talk about the heartaches.

I gave up another life for you, one where I’m selfish.

At times I feel like I deserve a do over.

A guilt manifests so deep inside that I can’t shake the idea of no you, no me.

He gave up nothing for you and somehow his guilt doesn’t consume him.

Somehow you can forgive him and love him despite it.

He feels no guilt, he feels no shame.

He feels no worry, no stress or heartbreak.

I gave up myself for you.

At times the weight is too hard to carry, at times too much to bear and so I cry.

I cry because I can’t control you and I worry.

You have no idea what the weight of the world feels like.

You have no idea, Life doesn’t offer a do over.

Besties lead to Bullies?

Last week, as I was getting ready for work, I was watching Good Morning America and they shared a piece about a woman who removed her child from preschool because the school banned the use of the word BFF.

I stopped what I was doing to watch the piece when Natalie walked in and began watching with me. She rolled her eyes as they explained that the use of the word BFF promotes cliques and leads to feelings of exclusion and bullying in some cases.

“Ridiculous right?” I asked her, curious as to what she had to say.

“Banning the word is not going to stop friendships from forming and they shouldn’t make a positive thing in school so negative.”

She is 100% correct.

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When did having BFF’s become a negative thing? I don’t know about you guys but my BFF’s helped me survive high school and beyond. My relationships with these women became so rooted that I don’t call them my Best Friends, I call them my Soul Mates. These relationships were formed in school and while yes, maybe people were intimidated or thought they may not have been part of the circle, it wasn’t intentional. It’s a part of life.

We keep removing the situations that build character and build personal strength and confidence.

Natalie then proceeded to tell me that the current senior class at her school would be the last to have seniors graduating in white and they would be the last class to have a valedictorian.

WTF.

What about these kids who have built their school careers in the hopes of graduating in all white and/or potentially being valedictorian? Is this not ridiculous? Why remove the competitive spirit? Will this competitiveness be removed from the workplace or real-life situations? NO, of course not.

We as a society complain about bullies but we are softening the future generations. Not all kids deserve a trophy at the end of the soccer season and the ones that do should shine, not because they are better people but because they have worked on their craft and/or they have god given talent.

You can’t excel in all aspects of life so where you do thrive you should be recognized.

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Let kids have best friends, let them enjoy their youth and form bonds that will help form them. Don’t be negative about positive things. Not everyone in life is going to like you and kids should learn that early on, it’s not mean, it’s real.

Why remove the reward from high school graduation? You are uninspiring our kids!

We are going to be stuck with a generation that lacks a competitive drive and whines about life not being fair because they were coddled and overprotected.

For the record, I understand not all situations are easy and some kids react differently to certain situations, this is why parents need to instill confidence in the home. I’m not an expert and my kids not perfect but she understands the concept of real life. She gets that no one is going to hand her an education or a paycheck, she is going to have to work for it and compete for top dollar.

Reality slaps you hard when you enter the real world, let’s not remove the core of what makes us able to stay standing.

These are my personal thoughts and opinions. I’d love to hear yours! Comment below!

Karma

Karma…is she not magnificent?

When you least expect it she comes and kicks your ass or in the best case scenario, she redeems you in the perfect moment.

Why do I say she? Well let’s be real, only a woman could be so vengeful, only a woman could perfectly time sweet revenge or validation.

Whether Karma is coming to your defense or to completely ruin your life, she’s coming.pexels-photo-212410.jpeg

As most of you know, I have been writing a book entitled “Do you love yourself, enough to love yourself?” 12 steps to getting you out from under him and finally getting the fu$k over him! In this how-to, help book of sorts, I ask that you list 5 reasons why you need to let him go. I’m going to help you and provide you with one reason, KARMA.

Yes, ladies, karma should be the number one reason you let go and let him be. Sometimes relationships don’t work and that’s ok, even if you have a kid or two or three! When a man is not meant for you and you hold on you are creating instant karma. He is not for you.

Repeat after me,

“He is not for me, God knows why even if I don’t”

How is that bad or negative karma? It’s simple, if you’re really honest with yourself you know exactly why things are over or why they never truly began in some cases, so go over those reasons and then insert the karmic effects.

♠ You were the other woman, whether you knew or not, karma will come back for you. (or vice versa)

♠ You lied to him, you cheated on him or vice versa, karma will have her way with you and if it was him doing the lying and cheating, karma will validate you, you just have to step aside and let her do her work.

♠ You’re not in the same headspace, you can’t see eye to eye, you want more than he’s willing to give you.. or vice versa. Karma knows when and how she will remind you of the man you could not let go, she will remind you how you made his life difficult because he wasn’t ready. Or the total opposite, she will validate you.

 

Let go of him for you, for your karmic bank. Fill that account with nothing but ROI’s!

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Seriously, if a man is truly meant for you, even a break or time apart won’t change that. Let time and karma do what they do.

 

PS. I will be giving away 5 copies of my latest book, “Do you love yourself enough to love yourself?” Like the post, leave a comment, share on your social, subscribe to the blog via email whichever one (or all) works for you to be entered!! Thank you lovelies!!

 

Soul Mates Matter

A soul mate by definition is 1: a person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament. 2: a person who strongly resembles another in attitudes or beliefs; ideological soul mates.

Carrie Bradshaw once said,

“Maybe our girlfriends are our soul mates and guys are just people to have fun with.”

The woman is a genius.

How is it that a man would find himself perfectly suited to a woman in temperament?

Maybe a man and a woman could have similar attitudes and beliefs but I do not believe we are suited in temperament.

Men and women are different, built differently, we vibe off each other in that sentiment.

With that being said, your soul mate is not a man silly.

Your soul mate has been by your side as the men have come and gone from your life.

Your soul mate has never judged you, instead has told you exactly what you did not want to hear and then supported you when you went ahead and did what you wanted to anyway.

Never, not once has she abandoned you, maybe given you some space because let’s be honest, you needed it.

I am a lucky woman, you see I do not have a soul mate, I have soul mates.♥

Women who have made my journey through life a little less rocky and a lot more enjoyable.

My soul mates have hung tight through bouts of selfishness and immaturity and I’d like to say that I have done the same.

Every tribe of women has within it specific rolls that each soul mate fills, these rolls intertwine with one another creating this tribe that holds strong through all the dramatic bullshit life likes to throw your way.

We have the mature and responsible one, the one who maintained a job while going to school and made sure we all got home in one piece.

Even on nights, we didn’t want to.

 

Which one of your soul mates is the loud and overly dramatic one, maybe a couple of you have this role locked down?

Then you’ve got the ambitious one of the bunch, the one who will one day be famous, if not for her talents but for murder or fraud.. me, you or her?

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And then you’ve got the floater.

You love her dearly and trust her with your life and her having her own social circle outside of your tribe is totally acceptable.

The reality is anyone of these descriptions could fit you or anyone of your soul mates, my point being you are all suited to each other in temperament.

Soul mates by the utter definition of the word.

No relationship is easy to maintain, especially not one that involves several women.

We say mean things about each other, to each other.

We voice our opinions often and without fear because we are suited to do so.

Now you may be thinking that you could pinpoint one woman to each definition but sit and think about it, you are all one in the same. You are all responsible when necessary, you have all been crazy and dramatic, you’re all ambitious in life and you have created friendships and relationships outside of your safe zone.

Women are unique by nature, predictable at times and at other times we have moments in life that even throw our soul mates for a loop.

On many occasions, we have thrown each other for complete and total loops. Doing things that we ourselves had not anticipated but life gave us choices and we made decisions.

My soul mates are many miles from me but when I see them we pick up right where we left off. Life and time have kept moving as it always will, bringing with it, boyfriends, husbands, babies, divorces, and relocations.

Hold onto these women, love and appreciate them because like all relationships, they took work, time and effort.

What is your longest running friendship?

Can you see yourself without these women?

 

 

 

Amor o Costumbre?

Amor, Amor? Oh, solamente costumbre?

Do you know the difference between love and comfort?

The kind of comfort that offers a false sense of security.

The kind of comfort that is an everyday routine you’ve grown accustomed to?

To change it would be too difficult, too messy!

Some of us get stuck in this rut and we don’t even realize it’s a rut.

In Spanish, there is a saying of sorts, more of a question, “es amor, oh es costumbre?”

 

How do you know if you are in love or simply too comfortable to begin again?

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I get it, who wants to throw away years of faking it?

That’s what you’re doing, your faking it.

Stop it.

If you are simply in a relationship because it would take too much effort to remove yourself from it, you are fucking up your relationship with yourself. That’s the most important relationship of all.

If you have kids, what kind of example are you setting? I’m not judging, I get it, it’s hard but I also know that once you realize the reality of your relationship, you’ll be better off.

I once was an angry person, a negative person, a short-tempered person.

I was in the wrong relationship and I was hurting myself emotionally because I could not develop the courage to get out.

No, that’s a lie, I just didn’t want to start again. Even at a young age, the idea of starting over, all over with someone was so stressful that I didn’t want to do it.

I finally moved on and let go and I found myself.

I found me. The woman I was meant to be.

It wasn’t easy but it wasn’t boring either.

Life is meant to be lived and it’s too short to be lived comfortably.

Find someone who challenges you, who motivates you and pushes you.

Be someone who challenges, motivates and pushes.

How long are you going to hold onto the wrong type of love?

Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation?

Tell me how you overcame! (share, share!)