Do you love yourself enough?

My question to you today is, Do you love yourself enough to love yourself?

 

If so why do you allow yourself to take the backseat?

Why put him ahead of you?

A man who truly loves you, a man who truly respects you would not allow you to put him first.

He would undoubtedly put you first, above his own needs and expect you to do the same.

Regardless of who “he” is, husband, fiancée, boyfriend or just a “friend”.

If he values you and respects you, your wellbeing will always come before his.

A smart man knows and understands that an unhappy woman can bring down an entire empire.

That’s a fact.

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If your man is ready to hold you up then he will put you above all else.

Now, with that being said, men, I am not saying to sacrifice your own well-being but this woman is the heart of your home or at least you’re hoping she will be, right? If not why are you wasting her time and yours?

As the heart, the center, she needs to beat freely, without feeling overwhelmed and stressed.

Protect her, take care of her as you would your own heart.pexels-photo-415779.jpeg

Women, don’t use this man, don’t abuse his love.

As his woman, while you are the heart, he is the head.

Appreciate him and give him clarity, give him confidence.

A good man and a good woman can accomplish more together than apart.

No one wants to be single forever but no one should feel trapped or have to take a back seat.

So I say, love yourself enough.

Take care of you so you can take care of him but don’t self-sacrifice.

Don’t feel sorry for a man who can’t feel sorry enough for himself to make a change.

When you can’t figure out why you’re still in the relationship ask yourself, is this healthy, am I loving myself by staying in this relationship or am I being self-destructive?

Ladies, love yourself enough to love yourself.

Please share with me any thoughts or relatable stories in regards to this topic! I’d love to hear from you!

 

 

 

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Who’s really being punished here?

We openly drink in our home, on weekends, during get-togethers, you know brunch and dinner type stuff.

My 17 YO daughter has been on restriction for the last two weeks, following an incident involving alcohol.

My guilt was getting the best of me, I thought to myself, maybe I’ve been a terrible influence, maybe I should stop. I even considered throwing out the alcohol we have in our home.

 

I pushed the guilt out of my head and decided that while I may be a weekend drinker,

mimosas with brunch

wine with dinner

a beer at a ball game

a margarita for happy hour

I’ve earned that right. I work hard and I provide so if I want to have a fuckin drink I will have a drink or two or three.

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She will not. Not until she is 21 and able to pay for her own alcohol.

As I pondered this I asked myself, who’s really being punished here?

Why do I feel guilty?

I feel suffocated, I gave her so much freedom, too much trust. It was easy for my boyfriend and me to escape on a Friday night and go have dinner and now, I don’t even want to leave her home alone for 20 minutes.

She hasn’t had her phone and it is like I have a toddler again.

All of the sudden she remembered she had a mom.

I can’t shower or pee without an interruption.

She says I’m being dramatic and Its not fair, she made a mistake and I’m going overboard.

“It’s not fair.”

She’s totally and absolutely right that it’s not fair.

It’s not fair that I can’t leave my 17-year-old home alone because I don’t trust her.

It’s not fair that I, her mother, had to drive her to the emergency room because I was terrified of what could have been in her system.

It’s not fair that I’ve lost a piece of my sanity, my peace of mind.

It’s not fair but it’s life.

I realize she is going to make these mistakes but it’s my job to ensure that these mistakes impact her life in a positive way, in a way that will teach a life lesson.

Your choices have consequences.

It’s been a long two weeks, for both of us.

I got that Good, Good

My heart is full and YES, it is because of a man, my man.

Before I start please know that I am all for being independent and not needing a man to fulfill you BUT when you got a good man, you just gotta speak on it.

Let me GLOW. ♥♥

I’ve chosen a few select words to express my love for this man so that he and you all can fully understand

Grateful, I am beyond grateful to have him in my life, in our lives. I didn’t believe men like him existed, he is most definitely one of a kind. From his morals to his deepest thoughts, he is genuine and true. Which is why I worried about his reaction towards my recently self-published book, Heart First, Head Later, it’s all about my past, my sexual encounters and my struggles as a young girl becoming a woman. It’s real and raw and I wanted it to be that way so that women and young girls could relate and know that they are not alone in these struggles! Let’s be real, no man wants to know in such depth or detail about your past but I felt a calling for it, through it I could make a difference. Even if just one girl reads it and forgives herself for the mistakes of her past, I’ve accomplished what I set out to do. Would he get that? Would he accept that? I had a heart to heart with one of my soulmates and she said to me,

“Have Faith.”

Faith, if the word itself doesn’t make you smile, try to have a little faith, in anything, just make a real effort and see what comes of it.

She said to me, “Have Faith in God first, then have faith in him and your relationship.”

She was right, all I needed was a little faith, the same faith that carried us through our break up and that has carried us in our relationship thus far. We started out awkward, I was too pushy and he resisted, I can be overwhelming at times but I knew and he knew and we just let faith take the lead. God’s been very busy in our lives and I owe that to my faith. I’ll admit I don’t go to church, I cannot remember that last time I was in a church but my faith has never wavered.

My faith in him, my man, has only gotten stronger. He has given me all reasons to believe that he loves me and my kid, now his kid. He read my book, in one sitting, (It’s that juicy I guess.) he was not very happy with what he read and after we talked it out, he got it. He understood the purpose of it and he supports me in what I do. We are strong, we know who we are, together and apart. He is my best friend. (Don’t puke, it’s not that sappy!)

Appreciation, I mean, he has taken on my child as his own. The good, the bad and the really fucked up. My soon to be 18 year old is very much a handful, she ain’t easy but he takes things in stride, such patience and determination. He has motivated her to do so much,  she’s excited about college and her grades have seriously improved and while I would love to take credit for that, it was all him. I could list out a million reasons why I appreciate this man, but by far the most meaningful is his relationship with my mini.

Blessed, we truly are blessed. As two separate people, we have been blessed in life. Together, our blessings have only just begun. (See that’s faith.) Our families, his and mine, love us, love me, love him, they’re all waiting for that proposal moment…. (hint, hint!)

In all seriousness, we’ve been blessed to find each other and to keep our relationship together. Some people don’t realize what they have until they no longer have it, I know what I have. I know what is worth and I value it.

Maybe I’m just Lucky in love?

Maybe, or maybe God just has this planned out all along.

When you got that Good, Good man, love him, appreciate him, be grateful and have faith. Your blessings will come in abundance!

♥♥♥

This Mom Thing

Let’s talk about this mom thing

This make me wanna pull my hair out and scream thing.

This make me wanna cry thing

Throw a fit and throw up type thing.

Let’s talk about this mom thing, the thing that all women aspire to be, pray and hope for thing.

Let’s talk about how this mom thing ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.

This mom thing.

This mom struggle.

This mom thing doesn’t get easier, shit just gets harder.

And yet somehow this mom thing is everything.

Don’t come into this light-hearted or you’ll fuck around and die broken-hearted.

This mom thing, mom to a teen thing, mom to a teen girl thing.

This mom thing is like karma striking and making you wish you would have been down with your own mom’s thing.

This mom thing making you feel gratitude, appreciation, and sorrow towards your own mom’s thing.

This mom thing, shit comes back around, making you understand this mom thing is a serious thing.

No bullshit and games, just real life type things.

This mom thing, it’s a for life thing.

How do you heal a mother’s broken heart?

Why is it that when something serious happens the emotional aspect of it hits you days later?

All the what if’s swirl through my mind and I can’t shake the feeling that the worst is yet to come.

Teenagers make mistakes, they make bad choices, my question is, how do you regain what has been lost?

The relationship I once thought to be so solid, shattered.

The girl I thought was smarter than that, isn’t.

I gave her too much freedom?

I trusted her too much?

I allowed her to feel a type of way because I expected more from her?

Did I allow her to grow up too fast?

I’m disappointed in the choices she made and so much more disappointed in the fact that she belittles it to be nothing but “drinking too much”

Ummm hello, you’re 17 not 21.

A different light is shun upon her.

A mother’s love is everlasting and eternal but how do you fix her broken heart?

How do you heal her bruised ego?

How do you console her in her loss?

My child is not the same.

I’ve lost something, I’ve lost someone.

So how do you heal my broken heart?

How do I fix what is unfixable?

The loss of trust is huge in our house.

The peace I felt, the confidence I had in regards to her, diminished.

The everyday girls guide to Coachella Fest!

“It’s all fun and games until you’re chafed and dehydrated.”

*disclaimer: post contains affiliate links✨

I will be attending Coachella for the third year in a row and I must say, I am very much looking forward to spring in the desert. With that being said, spring in Coachella is not like spring anywhere else.

You’re talking to a local here, yikes I said local!! I relocated to the City of Festivals back in 2009 and I don’t think I’ve yet to acclimate to the weather.

I don’t know about you but I wish I would have had a real girls perspective going into my first year! Don’t get me wrong, I love looking at blogs and pictures of all the gorgeous outfits and these beautiful women posing and looking flawless.

It’s inspirational in so many ways!!

BUT

I am not 5’11 and a size negative.

I am 5’5 and a size 12, on a skinny day. (And I love me) just in case you had some opinions, I’m all good thanks.

If you’re like me, I want to share with you the real deal and hopefully prepare you for the experience you’re about to have.

I’m going to jump right into the festival because as a local I just go home when I’m done, I can’t comment on the hotels or camping part of it. Although I will say, ew to the camping part of it. (My opinion)

Let’s get going then;

Be prepared for some traffic as you get to the festival grounds.

There is a VIP parking lot which is the best option but requires VIP passes, so if you have general admission this is not your lot.

Then you’ve got the companion camping and car camping lots. (Not for me or you unless this is what you paid for)

The lake Eldorado lot is what you’re looking for and it is a big ass dirt lot that they water because the wind gets ridiculous and the floor is super hot!

I’m not totally sure about the drinking in the parking lot policy but we definitely drink up before heading in. Just be polite and respectful to parking lot attendants, they’re locals working the fest.

Easy enough right?

General Admission vs VIP

Ok so I ain’t no big baller but we did attempt the VIP experience.

My first year we did GA and the second year we did VIP.

General admission is just that general. There are no special sitting areas or designated restrooms. You walk about a mile to enter the fest, maybe I’m exaggerating, maybe I’m not, and then as a woman you stand in a line much longer than the men’s line to walk through a metal detector and have your bags searched.

Save the time and don’t take a bag?

No bitch, take a bag, backpack, whatever.

More on that in a minute.

So once you’re in you walk right to the Ferris wheel.

Stop and take a pic. Soak it all in.

You’re at Coachella.

Quick confession, I’ve yet to take a pic in front of the Ferris Wheel, this is the year!

Be prepared to wait in ridiculous restroom lines and don’t get discouraged by the wind. We’re all getting hit by the same sandy wind. Eat where you wanna eat and drink what you wanna drink. Remember to stay hydrated, it’s windy but it’s also hot as fuck.

We’re talking 3 digit heat with the wind. I know, wtf.

Of course, wear your sunscreen and if outfit appropriate wear a hat and your sunglasses.

You’ve been walking around all day, jumping from tent to tent, resting in random restroom lines while you wait to pee and the sun is finally going down! You made it through the first day!!

Yessss!

No, it’s not over, by any means.

This is where that bag comes in handy.

The fun is just beginning, it’s almost time for the headliner!!!

If you can, have an outfit change ready in that bag.

I know, I know, we’re regular girls here but I mean leggings and a cute hoodie, a cover-up or a sweater. Trust me, you’ll thank me because as hot as it was in the daytime, the cold can be just as extreme. Think about being in a jacuzzi and going from hot to cold.

The desert does not play at night.

Take a small blanket if you can, a beach blanket if possible. Not only will it potentially keep you warm but you can lay it out and sit on it while you eat.

Tables are limited and you’ll be lucky to sit anywhere other than the ground.

Food options are endless so enjoy!

VIP offers a more delectable variety of food but nothing so out there that you should pay $1000 plus for admission.

While the VIP offers a closer lot and a shorter walk to the entrance of the fest, again, not worth the money.

We went VIP thinking it meant front row accessibility…. not so.

While the lounging areas are much nicer the only difference in restrooms is that they are “air-conditioned” but they’re still for the most part port-a-potties. (You’ll get over it and accept the squat over the toilet position real quick)

(Oh yeah, you’ll be sore the rest of the weekend, accept it and acknowledge that you’re probably out of shape… I swore to be a few pounds lighter for next time but I like food.)

This is why we opted to save some pennies and go with GA for our third year.

A small list of what I do and take:

I wear converse or something along those lines. The polo grounds where the fest is held is all dirt, I don’t buy converse for the fest I wear ones I would care to never wear again. I’ve worn some Roxy slip ons for the last two years and I plan to wear them this year. Whatever you’re comfortable in just keep in mind, dirt, everywhere. ( especially on your way in)

I always take a pack of blister band-aids. Lesson learned the hard way.

Allergy relief medicine

Tylenol

They don’t allow you to take in water bottles but people use those camelbacks and they have water stations so if you buy a water bottle inside you can just keep refilling. My man is iffy about those so we probably spend more money on water than alcohol.

Whatever you decide to do stay hydrated.

**The Camel backpacks must be empty at entry!**

Take a bandana or buy one there. If the wind is nasty you will thank me for this.

Last year the wind was horrible at night and I dropped my bandanna in the restroom, I didn’t buy another and ended up so sick afterward. I had what the doctors out here have dubbed “Coachella flu.” They gave me steroids and antibiotics to open up my lungs and kill whatever I inhaled.

↑Take this tidbit of advice seriously, if it’s the only thing you take from this post, I feel accomplished.

So what have you learned today?

♥ Be as cute and glamorous as you wanna be but remember to stay comfortable. You’ll be there all day and all night, for 3 days and 3 nights.

♥ Take some meds, allergy relief, again bc of the wind and Tylenol for a headache the sun could potentially give you. The festival is held on the polo grounds in Indio, so with that in mind be prepared if you suffer from allergies.

You’re adults take your meds and alcohol consumption responsibly.

Blister band-aids

Bandanna/face shield

Hat and sunglasses

Sunscreen

The best for under makeup!

Backpack (medium) with a change of clothes or at least a sweater and a beach blanket.

Above all else have a fuckin amazing time and be a nice fuckin person.

We’re all there to enjoy our time, we all paid to be there. If your not in a VIP tent then relax and don’t be a douche. We’re all in this together.

Happy Coachella 2018!!

If any questions or comments I’m happy to answer and have a conversation!

I have also provided a link to the festival rules and info page for you guys!!

*This post contains amazon affiliate links!

Thanks in advance lovelies!

To the woman who allowed my underage child to drink in her home.

What kind of mother are you?

To allow my child to be put at risk in your home.

To decide if she could have a drink or two or ten.

What kind of mother are you to allow another mothers child to be put in a situation where she cannot speak, stand, or be unconsciously unaware of her surroundings?

What kind of mother are you to watch a young woman drink in excess in a predominantly male environment?

What kind of mother are you to let her sit on your couch, unconscious and vulnerable?

 What kind of woman are you?

What kind of woman are you to watch and stand idly by, while another woman potentially endangers her life?

What kind of woman allows another woman to lower her self-awareness and not intervene?

What kind of woman is this?

The kind that becomes the type of mother who hasn’t got a clue.

The kind of woman who is the kind of mother who wants so desperately to be cool and young. Hip and in the crowd.

This is no real mother.

This is no real women.

She is a fraud.

A hazard.

A danger to womenkind.

A danger to your children and specifically to mine.

I could blame myself for allowing her to be in your home.

For trusting my child’s instincts.

I could blame myself but I blame you.

I am her mother.

She is my daughter.

How dare you put her future and her safety at risk!!

How dare you sit on the sidelines!!

How dare you influence her negatively!!

How dare you supply the evil that you supplied!!

How dare you not pick up the phone and call me!!

How dare you not intervene!!!

How dare you not call for help!!

You careless woman.

You careless mother.

What kind of mother are you?

I’m the kind of the mother that does not allow my child to be put at risk and sit idly by.

I’m the kind of mother that responds and reacts.

 A lioness full of fire.

 I’m the kind of mother whose child you should have never fucked with.

I’m the kind of mother who does not play childish games.

I’m the kind of mother who is an adult and capable of accepting that as an adult, I will handle the situation as such.

I’m the type of woman who does not care what it takes as long as justice is served for all women, specifically mine.

From the mother whose child, your recklessness put at risk.

Self-love is the most complicated love.

Love.

The word itself is complicated and yet simple.

A mothers love.

A fathers love.

The love of a spouse or significant other.

The love for your children.

Love.

Who do you love and why?

It’s usually pretty easy to answer that question.

You know why you love your significant other and why you love your kids.

You can quickly recall a story to express why you love your friends.

After all, you chose them.

What about you?

Do you love yourself?

What do you love about yourself?

What about you makes you special?

Do you have the ability to answer those questions without hesitation or do you have to think about it? Do you find yourself answering them and then doubting your own answers?

Self Love is the most complicated love.

We doubt our answers because we know ourselves better than anyone else. We figure that we deserve less and accept mediocre self-love.

Your deepest and darkest secrets come to mind and you believe that those things or situations make you less worthy of your own love!

I say to hell with that!!

So you had a one night stand or two, or three or four. Who cares!

So you cheated on your ex….again I say who cares.

You lied on your resume when you first started in your field. A little tweak here, another embellishment there, who hasn’t!

So your secrets go darker than that?

You’ve had an abortion, or two or three or four. Who the fuck cares.

Disclaimer; don’t use abortion as a form of birth control. These are my opinions, don’t hate me if you don’t agree.

You’ve had a threesome, with 2 men or another woman. Good for you! Fuck society and all their judgy standards!

You outed a family member, yikes but I’m sure they forgave you and you were truly sorry. And if you did that shit on purpose then fuck it, it’s done. You can’t change whats done, move forward.

You’re involved in an extramarital affair, now, currently, at this moment. Well, girl, you got some shit to figure out. So go ahead, figure it out.

All these situations should not impact your self-love.

YOU ARE NOT A HORRIBLE PERSON.

YOU ARE REAL.

YOU ARE A REAL FUCKIN WOMaN WITH REAL LIFE PROBLEMS AND SITUATIONS.

You’ll figure them out, you’ll get past them and forgive yourself if you haven’t already.

Don’t let that shit weigh you down. The past is the past.

Self Love is the most complicated love, it’s also the most rewarding.

Love. La la la la Love. YOURSELF.