Ready, set, spend!

I know, the holidays are about family and good food. I’m all for that quality time and extra weight gain, what I’m not about is the added stress and the possible hike in my debt.

How many of us overextend to get through the holidays?

From outfits to gifts, to food preparation to the extra fancy wrapping paper that gets ripped up? It’s exhausting and mentally draining but we do it because we love our families…. right?

Or perhaps you’re trying to keep up with the Kardashian’s?

giphy

No thanks, I’ll keep it simple and minimal this year. My goal for the 2018 holidays is to make it through the season without using any credit cards, for some that might seem like the simplest task and for others, like myself, it might be something that takes a great deal of effort.

My plan is to set a limit per person and set a budget in total. Sooo hard to do considering I have a child who is about to turn 18 and I desperately want to go nuts this holiday season!!!

Let me flip my perspective, I have a soon to be 18 year old who will be going off to college next year… hmmmm I think I’ll spend wisely.

Switch up your perspective and remember the true meaning of this holiday season.

Don’t overextend yourself. So much family, not enough time. It’s ok, those who love you get it and those who don’t, well, they don’t matter. (Truth)

Don’t overspend. Be realistic about your budget, don’t use your credit cards, in fact, take them out of your wallet right now! I know some credit cards offer enticing insensitive’s but if you don’t have the self-control or the ability to pay it right down, don’t do it. Trust me.

The people closest to you know your true financial situation, no one is expecting a Rolex or a car from you, it’s ok.

Our friends and family know we’re trying to purchase a home, they’re supporting us and I’m sure they would understand if our gifts weren’t extravagant this year, again, it should never be about that anyway.

At the end of the day, cherish the time spent and the memories made.

giphy1

Appreciate what you get and acknowledge that not everyone is riding the same financial wave.

Cheers to you and yours and may the holidays bring you love and happiness.

And if you’re truly lucky, what you’ve been asking Santa for all year! 😉

Advertisements

Cool little brown Girl

I grew up near the San Ysidro port of entry in San Diego, Ca. My parents are both from Tijuana, Mexico. My dad was adopted by my grandfather who was Puerto Rican and as such, an American citizen.  I was raised by Immigrants, a father who had the privilege of living his youth on the northern side of the border and a mother who like most immigrants, crossed the border on a daily basis to attend school until she and her siblings were given permanent residence.

I am the first generation born and raised in the United States, Mexican American, Hispanic, however, you want to say it. I cannot begin to comprehend the emotions and fear that our Latinx counterparts are currently enduring due to our political climate. My heart goes out to them and I will continue to pray that justice is served for those who have been wronged, however, this isn’t a post about them.

I grew up in a home where my father was educated, spoke perfect English and my mom was a stay at home mom who attempted to take English classes at night. It wasn’t necessary, over the years she learned to speak English through her kids, while it’s not perfect, she has been speaking English for most of her adult life.

When I was young my family traveled a lot due to my dad’s job. We had the privilege of driving cross country and visiting every state in the process. We saw things and experienced new places in great part due to his perseverance and unwillingness to settle in his career.

We spent a few years living in Georgia and then in South Carolina, where I was known as the little Mexican girl. I didn’t care, I was from California and that made me the cool little brown girl from the west coast. I thrived on who I was even as a child. While all the local girls had blonde hair and blue eyes, I had long espresso colored hair and dark brown eyes. giphy

There were other Hispanic girls there for the same reason I was but I found myself drawn to a different crowd. My African American friends, yes the black girls made me feel like I was just one of the girls! They fiercely defended me when anyone said anything about how I spoke or why I had an accent. (For the record the only accent I have is the one all Mexican girls have… it’s not really an accent, it’s just the way we talk.)

All our years of travel and relocation allowed me to grow up knowing that we are all different, we all come from different places and have different backgrounds. I have never disliked someone because of something that is out of their control. I am grateful for the job my dad held for over 30 years, I am proud of him for having the career that he did and being the man that he is.

In today’s society due to political outrage, my father would not be seen as such a hero.

My dad retired from The US Border Patrol last year and I am so grateful that he did due to the monstrosity that is immigration reform in today’s society. While I see him for the man he truly is other people may not have. I grew up in a time where having a father working in the Border Patrol was something I could brag about. What about now? What about these kids who have parents that are agents now? In today’s society where they are villainized, how can these kids not be afraid to say, “My parent is a Border Patrol Agent.” What about their spouses who do not know what their next shift may bring… I remember praying to God, on many occasions, that my dad would make it home safe. That was just normal fear and anxiety because I knew my dad carried a gun for a living.  I’m sure all families that have a parent, spouse or relative in law enforcement can relate but now, today, the way things are, I can’t imagine.

Listen, I’m not blind or in denial. The state of our immigration situation is dire and I’m not a fool, not all agents are stand up but before you judge or before you say something that you don’t know too much about, remember these agents have families that they want to get home to. These agents have jobs to do and they abide by a set of morals we may never understand.

My dad told many stories where he was often called a “traidor” by his Mexican counterparts.

He also told stories of how they(Agents) leave basic necessities in the desert, like water and blankets for those who have crossed and find themselves in dire need.

Not everything is black and white. Things are very blurry in our political climate and it’s a scary time not just for immigrants but also for these men and women who have a job to do, families to support, mouths to feed. A government job is a job, a job with benefits and perks, isn’t that what we strive for?

My intent in this post wasn’t to upset anyone, I’m not in agreement with the way things are being handled or not handled. I just have a different perspective and a personal point of view. After all, we are all people with emotions and opinions. Speak yours as I have spoken mine.

 

Expectations

I wanna know why we let our emotions get the better of us?

Why does a woman allow her heart to over power her mind?

We know when we are wrong, we know when we gotta let go and we truly know when we have to move on and yet we don’t.

Is it stubbornness?

Is it ego?

Is it love?

Who the fuck knows?

You do bitch. You know.

It’s you being a fuckin terca, throwing a fucking tantrum bc a man told you no.

Because you ain’t getting what you expected.

img_1140

Expectation is a tricky bitch.

Are you one of them that jumps from dude to dude with high expectations?

Are you a hopeless romantic?

Are you afraid of being alone?

It’s not them, it’s us.

Don’t expect a man to fix you.

Don’t expect a man to fix your life.

A man, a fiancĂ©, a husband isn’t gonna fix shit.

Fix yourself so that when the right man comes along you won’t be expecting anything but genuine love from him and be wise enough to know that if he isn’t giving it willingly, he isn’t going to.

On the other end of that spectrum, when you know, you know.

Nothing, not time, not distance, not bumps in the road will steer you off track. You’ll make it, together.

And when I say bumps in the road I don’t mean infidelity or shit that you bring into the relationship. I mean the shit that is out of your control, things that happen in life that you are unprepared for.

Stop fighting for a man who can’t keep his dick in check. Or check yourself and stop giving your pussy to random dudes.

Keeping it real, we can be shady too.

Don’t bring in extra drama, relationships are hard enough without someone adding to the mix.

So again I ask, why do we allow our emotions to run shit? When your mind is clearly giving you the answers when your gut is screaming at you, why do we listen to our bleeding heart?

At the end of the day, the only person you should expect anything from is yourself.

You should expect yourself to be at peace when you’re alone.

You should expect yourself to pay your own damn bills.

You should expect yourself to know the difference between love and lust.

You should only expect greatness from yourself.

You.

Put you first and everything else will align.

giphy2

 

Karma

Karma…is she not magnificent?

When you least expect it she comes and kicks your ass or in the best case scenario, she redeems you in the perfect moment.

Why do I say she? Well let’s be real, only a woman could be so vengeful, only a woman could perfectly time sweet revenge or validation.

Whether Karma is coming to your defense or to completely ruin your life, she’s coming.pexels-photo-212410.jpeg

As most of you know, I have been writing a book entitled “Do you love yourself, enough to love yourself?” 12 steps to getting you out from under him and finally getting the fu$k over him! In this how-to, help book of sorts, I ask that you list 5 reasons why you need to let him go. I’m going to help you and provide you with one reason, KARMA.

Yes, ladies, karma should be the number one reason you let go and let him be. Sometimes relationships don’t work and that’s ok, even if you have a kid or two or three! When a man is not meant for you and you hold on you are creating instant karma. He is not for you.

Repeat after me,

“He is not for me, God knows why even if I don’t”

How is that bad or negative karma? It’s simple, if you’re really honest with yourself you know exactly why things are over or why they never truly began in some cases, so go over those reasons and then insert the karmic effects.

♠ You were the other woman, whether you knew or not, karma will come back for you. (or vice versa)

♠ You lied to him, you cheated on him or vice versa, karma will have her way with you and if it was him doing the lying and cheating, karma will validate you, you just have to step aside and let her do her work.

♠ You’re not in the same headspace, you can’t see eye to eye, you want more than he’s willing to give you.. or vice versa. Karma knows when and how she will remind you of the man you could not let go, she will remind you how you made his life difficult because he wasn’t ready. Or the total opposite, she will validate you.

 

Let go of him for you, for your karmic bank. Fill that account with nothing but ROI’s!

giphy

Seriously, if a man is truly meant for you, even a break or time apart won’t change that. Let time and karma do what they do.

 

PS. I will be giving away 5 copies of my latest book, “Do you love yourself enough to love yourself?” Like the post, leave a comment, share on your social, subscribe to the blog via email whichever one (or all) works for you to be entered!! Thank you lovelies!!

 

Amor o Costumbre?

Amor, Amor? Oh, solamente costumbre?

Do you know the difference between love and comfort?

The kind of comfort that offers a false sense of security.

The kind of comfort that is an everyday routine you’ve grown accustomed to?

To change it would be too difficult, too messy!

Some of us get stuck in this rut and we don’t even realize it’s a rut.

In Spanish, there is a saying of sorts, more of a question, “es amor, oh es costumbre?”

 

How do you know if you are in love or simply too comfortable to begin again?

pexels-photo-271897.jpeg

I get it, who wants to throw away years of faking it?

That’s what you’re doing, your faking it.

Stop it.

If you are simply in a relationship because it would take too much effort to remove yourself from it, you are fucking up your relationship with yourself. That’s the most important relationship of all.

If you have kids, what kind of example are you setting? I’m not judging, I get it, it’s hard but I also know that once you realize the reality of your relationship, you’ll be better off.

I once was an angry person, a negative person, a short-tempered person.

I was in the wrong relationship and I was hurting myself emotionally because I could not develop the courage to get out.

No, that’s a lie, I just didn’t want to start again. Even at a young age, the idea of starting over, all over with someone was so stressful that I didn’t want to do it.

I finally moved on and let go and I found myself.

I found me. The woman I was meant to be.

It wasn’t easy but it wasn’t boring either.

Life is meant to be lived and it’s too short to be lived comfortably.

Find someone who challenges you, who motivates you and pushes you.

Be someone who challenges, motivates and pushes.

How long are you going to hold onto the wrong type of love?

Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation?

Tell me how you overcame! (share, share!)

I got that Good, Good

My heart is full and YES, it is because of a man, my man.

Before I start please know that I am all for being independent and not needing a man to fulfill you BUT when you got a good man, you just gotta speak on it.

Let me GLOW. ♄♄

I’ve chosen a few select words to express my love for this man so that he and you all can fully understand

Grateful, I am beyond grateful to have him in my life, in our lives. I didn’t believe men like him existed, he is most definitely one of a kind. From his morals to his deepest thoughts, he is genuine and true. Which is why I worried about his reaction towards my recently self-published book, Heart First, Head Later, it’s all about my past, my sexual encounters and my struggles as a young girl becoming a woman. It’s real and raw and I wanted it to be that way so that women and young girls could relate and know that they are not alone in these struggles! Let’s be real, no man wants to know in such depth or detail about your past but I felt a calling for it, through it I could make a difference. Even if just one girl reads it and forgives herself for the mistakes of her past, I’ve accomplished what I set out to do. Would he get that? Would he accept that? I had a heart to heart with one of my soulmates and she said to me,

“Have Faith.”

Faith, if the word itself doesn’t make you smile, try to have a little faith, in anything, just make a real effort and see what comes of it.

She said to me, “Have Faith in God first, then have faith in him and your relationship.”

She was right, all I needed was a little faith, the same faith that carried us through our break up and that has carried us in our relationship thus far. We started out awkward, I was too pushy and he resisted, I can be overwhelming at times but I knew and he knew and we just let faith take the lead. God’s been very busy in our lives and I owe that to my faith. I’ll admit I don’t go to church, I cannot remember that last time I was in a church but my faith has never wavered.

My faith in him, my man, has only gotten stronger. He has given me all reasons to believe that he loves me and my kid, now his kid. He read my book, in one sitting, (It’s that juicy I guess.) he was not very happy with what he read and after we talked it out, he got it. He understood the purpose of it and he supports me in what I do. We are strong, we know who we are, together and apart. He is my best friend. (Don’t puke, it’s not that sappy!)

Appreciation, I mean, he has taken on my child as his own. The good, the bad and the really fucked up. My soon to be 18 year old is very much a handful, she ain’t easy but he takes things in stride, such patience and determination. He has motivated her to do so much,  she’s excited about college and her grades have seriously improved and while I would love to take credit for that, it was all him. I could list out a million reasons why I appreciate this man, but by far the most meaningful is his relationship with my mini.

Blessed, we truly are blessed. As two separate people, we have been blessed in life. Together, our blessings have only just begun. (See that’s faith.) Our families, his and mine, love us, love me, love him, they’re all waiting for that proposal moment…. (hint, hint!)

In all seriousness, we’ve been blessed to find each other and to keep our relationship together. Some people don’t realize what they have until they no longer have it, I know what I have. I know what is worth and I value it.

Maybe I’m just Lucky in love?

Maybe, or maybe God just has this planned out all along.

When you got that Good, Good man, love him, appreciate him, be grateful and have faith. Your blessings will come in abundance!

♄♄♄