Expectations

I wanna know why we let our emotions get the better of us?

Why does a woman allow her heart to over power her mind?

We know when we are wrong, we know when we gotta let go and we truly know when we have to move on and yet we don’t.

Is it stubbornness?

Is it ego?

Is it love?

Who the fuck knows?

You do bitch. You know.

It’s you being a fuckin terca, throwing a fucking tantrum bc a man told you no.

Because you ain’t getting what you expected.

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Expectation is a tricky bitch.

Are you one of them that jumps from dude to dude with high expectations?

Are you a hopeless romantic?

Are you afraid of being alone?

It’s not them, it’s us.

Don’t expect a man to fix you.

Don’t expect a man to fix your life.

A man, a fiancé, a husband isn’t gonna fix shit.

Fix yourself so that when the right man comes along you won’t be expecting anything but genuine love from him and be wise enough to know that if he isn’t giving it willingly, he isn’t going to.

On the other end of that spectrum, when you know, you know.

Nothing, not time, not distance, not bumps in the road will steer you off track. You’ll make it, together.

And when I say bumps in the road I don’t mean infidelity or shit that you bring into the relationship. I mean the shit that is out of your control, things that happen in life that you are unprepared for.

Stop fighting for a man who can’t keep his dick in check. Or check yourself and stop giving your pussy to random dudes.

Keeping it real, we can be shady too.

Don’t bring in extra drama, relationships are hard enough without someone adding to the mix.

So again I ask, why do we allow our emotions to run shit? When your mind is clearly giving you the answers when your gut is screaming at you, why do we listen to our bleeding heart?

At the end of the day, the only person you should expect anything from is yourself.

You should expect yourself to be at peace when you’re alone.

You should expect yourself to pay your own damn bills.

You should expect yourself to know the difference between love and lust.

You should only expect greatness from yourself.

You.

Put you first and everything else will align.

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SEX & the average woman?

SEX.

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For women, the beginning of our sexual lives is daunting. Those of us raised to believe that we should wait until marriage or we will be punished by God had a much harder time giving up our virginity than most. It doesn’t mean we didn’t or that we waited until marriage, it just means we had a complex over it and felt a guilt that tormented us for much longer than necessary.

One man, that is all it takes to shatter you. One man to fuck you up and give you a complex and fill you with insecurities. Isn’t that the way it goes ladies?

As you piece yourself back together you learn all about life, love, and sex.

SEX and all the power it gives us, SEX and all the emotions it brings on, SEX and the goddess inside you. That badass woman you had yet to acknowledge.

I went on to have a very active and satisfying sex life. Did I suffer from a broken heart, absolutely, it’s part of the growth process but I realized in my twenties that a broken heart would heal and the woman you are meant to be will very much find her way into existence.

Sex was a part of that growth, without a doubt.

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I find myself in my early 30’s, in love and monogamous.

I do not feel unsatisfied instead I feel as if sometimes I cannot satisfy… does that make sense?

I don’t want you to think I don’t want to have sex but sometimes, I just don’t want to have sex.

Of course, that sounds horrible and it makes me feel horrible but I wonder if it has to do with my age or perhaps my weight? Maybe the ovarian cyst that I have dealt with have also hindered my desire? I guess that can also be attributed to my weight as with all health concerns you are told to lose a few pounds.

Maybe that’s the cure to everything?

Am I too comfortable at this unhealthy weight?

Am I just super lazy at this stage in my life or what the fuck is happening??

It didn’t use to take very much to get me hot and bothered.

I wonder if I started to soon and I’ve run out of sex drive? (Is that possible?) I also wonder if those cysts can be some sort of physical punishment for my active sex life so early on. No, no I guess that’s not the way it works right?

Why does it seem to take much more than it used to?

I’m confused and angry with myself.

It has to be my weight right?

We do have a teenager in the next room and while that didn’t bother me before she’s made it very clear that the walls are thin. (Sorry!)

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It’s a combination of all things, I guess?

How do you explain this to your man without him feeling like you’re no longer attracted to him?

I let that thought simmer for a while, could that be it?

Nope, not it, I still find myself very much attracted to him but that sex drive, that desire for sex itself is harder to engage than it was even a year ago.

I decided to exercise more and eat better, I’ll let you know how that goes.

Listen, we are told to be confident at any size and at any weight but I will be the first to admit that I have been unhappy with myself for a while. There is no shame in that and I’m not bashing anyone who weighs what I weigh and is glowing in confidence, that’s amazing!

So make a change and stop crying, right?

That’s more of a mental challenge for me than an actual physical one.

(If I could only get my mouth to cooperate.)

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It is mental, it’s all mental. So how do you reprogram yourself?

First of all:

Don’t feel bad for feeling bad about your weight.

Don’t feel ashamed for struggling, we all struggle.

Don’t allow these things to affect your life, especially your sex life.

I talked to my man and he understood. He also enlightened me to the fact that not only does me being unhappy and uncomfortable with myself kill my sex drive but it makes me really moody and kind of a bitch.

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Not a good vibe.

I don’t want to be a size 12 or a size 14; I don’t want to weigh 200 pounds. I don’t care if that sounds negative, I want to be at a healthy weight and be whatever size comes with that weight.

I want to have sex with my man and lots of it.

I’m curious; ladies do you struggle in the same way? Have you noticed a change in your sex drive with your weight, age or with your lifestyle choices?

Let’s share and help women struggling with these everyday issues!

 

 

What a man wants, matters.

Why is it so hard for us to let go of toxic people?

We make excuses for them and about them, about their actions or lack of actions.

We have a kid or kids with said person and in our minds that designates this person with a lifetime of do-overs.

Um, no.

I have a baby daddy and letting him go was hard, until it wasn’t.

I’ve been lost in infatuation and love and letting go of that man was hard until it wasn’t. (different guy, FYI.)

My point is that when you’re in the thick of it, in the midst of the madness you can’t see said person for who they really are, man or woman. Baby daddy or baby momma.

Letting go of a man who doesn’t serve you isn’t easy. I am the first to admit that when we want something all logic goes out the window.

I was 15 when I had my daughter, until the age of 18, her father was the only man I’d ever been with, sexually and emotionally.

The second guy came into my life while I was pregnant, making it a difficult situation for all involved, especially me. How was I supposed to handle a situation so complicated?

I got my chance to try with, “right guy wrong time” guy, right before turning 18. In short, things did not go the way I hoped. In fact, they turned out to be much more complicated and it took me two years to move on. He would come and go and I would come and go. In that time, I went back to my baby daddy, not because we were meant to be or because I loved him but simply because I could. It didn’t matter that he was an ass or a monster, what mattered was that he was familiar. Baby daddy so desperately wanted to be in control of me and our relationship that he also came and went when necessary. That is called costumbre, a crazy kind of comfort that shitty relationships give us because we’re used to them.

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That is not healthy.

It’s bullshit. It’s drama. It’s pain.

I went through my share of men and relationships and I realized that the only reason I suffered was that I allowed myself to.

Me.

Is that what you’re doing? Are you allowing yourself to suffer?

You can do everything right, you can be the perfect woman and if that man is not ready or he is unwilling to do right, it won’t matter. That man has to want to do right by you and he has to be ready. Women make the mistake of waiting or trying to fix him and make him ready, make him want the same. You can walk away and find a man who is ready and willing, a man who wants what you want or you can stand idly by waiting for a man to become ready and willing. But until that man WANTS to do right by you, he won’t.

STOP waiting for a man who is unwilling.

STOP trying to convince him that you’re the one.

STOP putting him and the relationship before you and your self-worth.

I know it’s easier said than done but how much longer are you going to waste your life?

It was hard for me until it wasn’t.

You’ll get to “it wasn’t” much sooner if you accept the reality of your situation and let go.

Not everyone is meant to stay, not everyone deserves or wants to be saved. Some people are meant to be was and used to be. Figure out who’s who and move on.

STOP making excuses, so what he was your first, you’ve invested years, you have a kid or two, so what?

One baby daddy

Two baby daddy

Three baby daddy

Four…who the fuck cares. You don’t deserve to play second best. You are not trapped or stuck. You’re confused and scared because change is scary and letting go is hard but it’s worth it. Walk away with your head held high. You have an example to set, self-worth matters more than how many baby daddy’s you have.

Life happens while you’re busy trying to make a man want you, do yourself a favor and walk away.

Walk away and I promise if he’s meant to be yours he won’t let you.

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Men are not as complicated as we think, they either want it or they don’t. It’s not confusing for them, they may have conflicting feelings at times but they know when they want someone and they do what they gotta do.

So you do what you gotta do until the right man, the willing man comes along. ♥

How do you feel about this topic and this post? Would you be willing to read a book dedicated to this subject? My newest book is directed and dedicated to women, a guide of sorts to let go.

Do you love yourself enough

I’m hoping to release mid-summer and if you’d like details to pre-order or receive a pre-release copy drop a comment, leave your email or simply subscribe to the blog! Gracias!

 

Karma

Karma…is she not magnificent?

When you least expect it she comes and kicks your ass or in the best case scenario, she redeems you in the perfect moment.

Why do I say she? Well let’s be real, only a woman could be so vengeful, only a woman could perfectly time sweet revenge or validation.

Whether Karma is coming to your defense or to completely ruin your life, she’s coming.pexels-photo-212410.jpeg

As most of you know, I have been writing a book entitled “Do you love yourself, enough to love yourself?” 12 steps to getting you out from under him and finally getting the fu$k over him! In this how-to, help book of sorts, I ask that you list 5 reasons why you need to let him go. I’m going to help you and provide you with one reason, KARMA.

Yes, ladies, karma should be the number one reason you let go and let him be. Sometimes relationships don’t work and that’s ok, even if you have a kid or two or three! When a man is not meant for you and you hold on you are creating instant karma. He is not for you.

Repeat after me,

“He is not for me, God knows why even if I don’t”

How is that bad or negative karma? It’s simple, if you’re really honest with yourself you know exactly why things are over or why they never truly began in some cases, so go over those reasons and then insert the karmic effects.

♠ You were the other woman, whether you knew or not, karma will come back for you. (or vice versa)

♠ You lied to him, you cheated on him or vice versa, karma will have her way with you and if it was him doing the lying and cheating, karma will validate you, you just have to step aside and let her do her work.

♠ You’re not in the same headspace, you can’t see eye to eye, you want more than he’s willing to give you.. or vice versa. Karma knows when and how she will remind you of the man you could not let go, she will remind you how you made his life difficult because he wasn’t ready. Or the total opposite, she will validate you.

 

Let go of him for you, for your karmic bank. Fill that account with nothing but ROI’s!

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Seriously, if a man is truly meant for you, even a break or time apart won’t change that. Let time and karma do what they do.

 

PS. I will be giving away 5 copies of my latest book, “Do you love yourself enough to love yourself?” Like the post, leave a comment, share on your social, subscribe to the blog via email whichever one (or all) works for you to be entered!! Thank you lovelies!!

 

The everyday girls guide to Coachella Fest!

“It’s all fun and games until you’re chafed and dehydrated.”

*disclaimer: post contains affiliate links✨

I will be attending Coachella for the third year in a row and I must say, I am very much looking forward to spring in the desert. With that being said, spring in Coachella is not like spring anywhere else.

You’re talking to a local here, yikes I said local!! I relocated to the City of Festivals back in 2009 and I don’t think I’ve yet to acclimate to the weather.

I don’t know about you but I wish I would have had a real girls perspective going into my first year! Don’t get me wrong, I love looking at blogs and pictures of all the gorgeous outfits and these beautiful women posing and looking flawless.

It’s inspirational in so many ways!!

BUT

I am not 5’11 and a size negative.

I am 5’5 and a size 12, on a skinny day. (And I love me) just in case you had some opinions, I’m all good thanks.

If you’re like me, I want to share with you the real deal and hopefully prepare you for the experience you’re about to have.

I’m going to jump right into the festival because as a local I just go home when I’m done, I can’t comment on the hotels or camping part of it. Although I will say, ew to the camping part of it. (My opinion)

Let’s get going then;

Be prepared for some traffic as you get to the festival grounds.

There is a VIP parking lot which is the best option but requires VIP passes, so if you have general admission this is not your lot.

Then you’ve got the companion camping and car camping lots. (Not for me or you unless this is what you paid for)

The lake Eldorado lot is what you’re looking for and it is a big ass dirt lot that they water because the wind gets ridiculous and the floor is super hot!

I’m not totally sure about the drinking in the parking lot policy but we definitely drink up before heading in. Just be polite and respectful to parking lot attendants, they’re locals working the fest.

Easy enough right?

General Admission vs VIP

Ok so I ain’t no big baller but we did attempt the VIP experience.

My first year we did GA and the second year we did VIP.

General admission is just that general. There are no special sitting areas or designated restrooms. You walk about a mile to enter the fest, maybe I’m exaggerating, maybe I’m not, and then as a woman you stand in a line much longer than the men’s line to walk through a metal detector and have your bags searched.

Save the time and don’t take a bag?

No bitch, take a bag, backpack, whatever.

More on that in a minute.

So once you’re in you walk right to the Ferris wheel.

Stop and take a pic. Soak it all in.

You’re at Coachella.

Quick confession, I’ve yet to take a pic in front of the Ferris Wheel, this is the year!

Be prepared to wait in ridiculous restroom lines and don’t get discouraged by the wind. We’re all getting hit by the same sandy wind. Eat where you wanna eat and drink what you wanna drink. Remember to stay hydrated, it’s windy but it’s also hot as fuck.

We’re talking 3 digit heat with the wind. I know, wtf.

Of course, wear your sunscreen and if outfit appropriate wear a hat and your sunglasses.

You’ve been walking around all day, jumping from tent to tent, resting in random restroom lines while you wait to pee and the sun is finally going down! You made it through the first day!!

Yessss!

No, it’s not over, by any means.

This is where that bag comes in handy.

The fun is just beginning, it’s almost time for the headliner!!!

If you can, have an outfit change ready in that bag.

I know, I know, we’re regular girls here but I mean leggings and a cute hoodie, a cover-up or a sweater. Trust me, you’ll thank me because as hot as it was in the daytime, the cold can be just as extreme. Think about being in a jacuzzi and going from hot to cold.

The desert does not play at night.

Take a small blanket if you can, a beach blanket if possible. Not only will it potentially keep you warm but you can lay it out and sit on it while you eat.

Tables are limited and you’ll be lucky to sit anywhere other than the ground.

Food options are endless so enjoy!

VIP offers a more delectable variety of food but nothing so out there that you should pay $1000 plus for admission.

While the VIP offers a closer lot and a shorter walk to the entrance of the fest, again, not worth the money.

We went VIP thinking it meant front row accessibility…. not so.

While the lounging areas are much nicer the only difference in restrooms is that they are “air-conditioned” but they’re still for the most part port-a-potties. (You’ll get over it and accept the squat over the toilet position real quick)

(Oh yeah, you’ll be sore the rest of the weekend, accept it and acknowledge that you’re probably out of shape… I swore to be a few pounds lighter for next time but I like food.)

This is why we opted to save some pennies and go with GA for our third year.

A small list of what I do and take:

I wear converse or something along those lines. The polo grounds where the fest is held is all dirt, I don’t buy converse for the fest I wear ones I would care to never wear again. I’ve worn some Roxy slip ons for the last two years and I plan to wear them this year. Whatever you’re comfortable in just keep in mind, dirt, everywhere. ( especially on your way in)

I always take a pack of blister band-aids. Lesson learned the hard way.

Allergy relief medicine

Tylenol

They don’t allow you to take in water bottles but people use those camelbacks and they have water stations so if you buy a water bottle inside you can just keep refilling. My man is iffy about those so we probably spend more money on water than alcohol.

Whatever you decide to do stay hydrated.

**The Camel backpacks must be empty at entry!**

Take a bandana or buy one there. If the wind is nasty you will thank me for this.

Last year the wind was horrible at night and I dropped my bandanna in the restroom, I didn’t buy another and ended up so sick afterward. I had what the doctors out here have dubbed “Coachella flu.” They gave me steroids and antibiotics to open up my lungs and kill whatever I inhaled.

↑Take this tidbit of advice seriously, if it’s the only thing you take from this post, I feel accomplished.

So what have you learned today?

♥ Be as cute and glamorous as you wanna be but remember to stay comfortable. You’ll be there all day and all night, for 3 days and 3 nights.

♥ Take some meds, allergy relief, again bc of the wind and Tylenol for a headache the sun could potentially give you. The festival is held on the polo grounds in Indio, so with that in mind be prepared if you suffer from allergies.

You’re adults take your meds and alcohol consumption responsibly.

Blister band-aids

Bandanna/face shield

Hat and sunglasses

Sunscreen

The best for under makeup!

Backpack (medium) with a change of clothes or at least a sweater and a beach blanket.

Above all else have a fuckin amazing time and be a nice fuckin person.

We’re all there to enjoy our time, we all paid to be there. If your not in a VIP tent then relax and don’t be a douche. We’re all in this together.

Happy Coachella 2018!!

If any questions or comments I’m happy to answer and have a conversation!

I have also provided a link to the festival rules and info page for you guys!!

*This post contains amazon affiliate links!

Thanks in advance lovelies!