For women, the beginning of our sexual lives is daunting. Those of us raised to believe that we should wait until marriage or we will be punished by God had a much harder time giving up our virginity than most. It doesn’t mean we didn’t or that we waited until marriage, it just means we had a complex over it and felt a guilt that tormented us for much longer than necessary.
One man, that is all it takes to shatter you. One man to fuck you up and give you a complex and fill you with insecurities. Isn’t that the way it goes ladies?
As you piece yourself back together you learn all about life, love, and sex.
SEX and all the power it gives us, SEX and all the emotions it brings on, SEX and the goddess inside you. That badass woman you had yet to acknowledge.
I went on to have a very active and satisfying sex life. Did I suffer from a broken heart, absolutely, it’s part of the growth process but I realized in my twenties that a broken heart would heal and the woman you are meant to be will very much find her way into existence.
Sex was a part of that growth, without a doubt.
I find myself in my early 30’s, in love and monogamous.
I do not feel unsatisfied instead I feel as if sometimes I cannot satisfy… does that make sense?
I don’t want you to think I don’t want to have sex but sometimes, I just don’t want to have sex.
Of course, that sounds horrible and it makes me feel horrible but I wonder if it has to do with my age or perhaps my weight? Maybe the ovarian cyst that I have dealt with have also hindered my desire? I guess that can also be attributed to my weight as with all health concerns you are told to lose a few pounds.
Maybe that’s the cure to everything?
Am I too comfortable at this unhealthy weight?
Am I just super lazy at this stage in my life or what the fuck is happening??
It didn’t use to take very much to get me hot and bothered.
I wonder if I started to soon and I’ve run out of sex drive? (Is that possible?) I also wonder if those cysts can be some sort of physical punishment for my active sex life so early on. No, no I guess that’s not the way it works right?
Why does it seem to take much more than it used to?
I’m confused and angry with myself.
It has to be my weight right?
We do have a teenager in the next room and while that didn’t bother me before she’s made it very clear that the walls are thin. (Sorry!)
It’s a combination of all things, I guess?
How do you explain this to your man without him feeling like you’re no longer attracted to him?
I let that thought simmer for a while, could that be it?
Nope, not it, I still find myself very much attracted to him but that sex drive, that desire for sex itself is harder to engage than it was even a year ago.
I decided to exercise more and eat better, I’ll let you know how that goes.
Listen, we are told to be confident at any size and at any weight but I will be the first to admit that I have been unhappy with myself for a while. There is no shame in that and I’m not bashing anyone who weighs what I weigh and is glowing in confidence, that’s amazing!
So make a change and stop crying, right?
That’s more of a mental challenge for me than an actual physical one.
(If I could only get my mouth to cooperate.)
It is mental, it’s all mental. So how do you reprogram yourself?
First of all:
Don’t feel bad for feeling bad about your weight.
Don’t feel ashamed for struggling, we all struggle.
Don’t allow these things to affect your life, especially your sex life.
I talked to my man and he understood. He also enlightened me to the fact that not only does me being unhappy and uncomfortable with myself kill my sex drive but it makes me really moody and kind of a bitch.
Not a good vibe.
I don’t want to be a size 12 or a size 14; I don’t want to weigh 200 pounds. I don’t care if that sounds negative, I want to be at a healthy weight and be whatever size comes with that weight.
I want to have sex with my man and lots of it.
I’m curious; ladies do you struggle in the same way? Have you noticed a change in your sex drive with your weight, age or with your lifestyle choices?
Let’s share and help women struggling with these everyday issues!