Ready, set, spend!

I know, the holidays are about family and good food. I’m all for that quality time and extra weight gain, what I’m not about is the added stress and the possible hike in my debt.

How many of us overextend to get through the holidays?

From outfits to gifts, to food preparation to the extra fancy wrapping paper that gets ripped up? It’s exhausting and mentally draining but we do it because we love our families…. right?

Or perhaps you’re trying to keep up with the Kardashian’s?

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No thanks, I’ll keep it simple and minimal this year. My goal for the 2018 holidays is to make it through the season without using any credit cards, for some that might seem like the simplest task and for others, like myself, it might be something that takes a great deal of effort.

My plan is to set a limit per person and set a budget in total. Sooo hard to do considering I have a child who is about to turn 18 and I desperately want to go nuts this holiday season!!!

Let me flip my perspective, I have a soon to be 18 year old who will be going off to college next year… hmmmm I think I’ll spend wisely.

Switch up your perspective and remember the true meaning of this holiday season.

Don’t overextend yourself. So much family, not enough time. It’s ok, those who love you get it and those who don’t, well, they don’t matter. (Truth)

Don’t overspend. Be realistic about your budget, don’t use your credit cards, in fact, take them out of your wallet right now! I know some credit cards offer enticing insensitive’s but if you don’t have the self-control or the ability to pay it right down, don’t do it. Trust me.

The people closest to you know your true financial situation, no one is expecting a Rolex or a car from you, it’s ok.

Our friends and family know we’re trying to purchase a home, they’re supporting us and I’m sure they would understand if our gifts weren’t extravagant this year, again, it should never be about that anyway.

At the end of the day, cherish the time spent and the memories made.

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Appreciate what you get and acknowledge that not everyone is riding the same financial wave.

Cheers to you and yours and may the holidays bring you love and happiness.

And if you’re truly lucky, what you’ve been asking Santa for all year! 😉

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Porn and your relationship.

You come home from work to find your significant other passed out on the sofa, the iPad next to them. You pick up the iPad with no intention of browsing through the history and yet somehow you find deleted porn sites in your browser’s history?

Are you angry? Is it funny? What true emotions does this moment evoke from you?

I guess it’s a matter of preference, some couples watch porn together but even if you are open to that, are you open to your SO other watching without you?

Is it the fact that this person is watching porn or is it the fact that they are trying to hide it? Which would anger or hurt you more?

According to an article from Fightthenewdrug.org porn sites receive more regular traffic than Netflix, Amazon, and Twitter combined each month!! WOW. The article also stated that people who had extramarital affairs were 300% more likely to admit consuming porn than those who never had an affair. Check the website out for yourself, it’s got some interesting stats and info. The name of the website itself is on point about today’s world.

In my opinion, porn is a negative, not just in relationships but with your own self-loving relationship.

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We’re told that it’s normal for boys to look at dirty magazines and watch naughty movies, growing up I remember being online and seeing pop-ups for porn sites, my curiosity getting the best of me I would click on it. It made me feel uncomfortable and then it made me feel a certain way, ya know, and then I felt shame.

Shame for looking at it and then shame for getting that “weird feeling”.

Now, as a grown woman, I know porn doesn’t do it for me and I realize that the shame I felt was for looking at something I wasn’t supposed to be looking at.

You ever masturbate and then feel guilty for it because you know God is watching and he does not approve? That’s not a good vibe.

My point being, porn is a gateway to all those emotions of shame and guilt. More so if you’re in a committed relationship and your partner frowns on it.

Is it cheating if you hide it? Answer this for me, men and women, do you consider porn cheating? If so, why?

I am curious as to why:

Why watch porn?

Why watch porn and hide it?

Why watch porn when you’re in a committed relationship?

Why?

Men and women, what’s the big draw? Besides the obvious getting off.giphy1

This post contains a lot of questions for you, my reader,  so feel free to share your truest thoughts and opinions without remorse. (Safe space!) Thanks in advance!

Man, Woman, Lover or Friend.

Sometimes, you realize that the one person you thought was there, never really was.

Man or woman, lover or friend.

You see them in a different light, through different eyes. You’ve grown and matured, maybe quicker than them, maybe slower than them but you’re no longer on the same wavelength. You no longer need to share every detail, they’re not the first person you think of when a life-changing thing happens, and they’re not the first person you think of when something minor happens either.

They’ve drifted off. Or maybe it was you? You might have quite possibly outgrown this person.

Man or woman, lover or friend.

You might have seen them in a different light and maybe realized they were that way all along.

You’ve lost respect, gotten some perspective and yeah, maybe you’ve been a bit judgemental. You expected more or hoped for more from this person.

Man or woman, lover or friend.

A wall was built between you and a wall doesn’t go up overnight, it takes time to build. You both laid the foundation, put up the bricks piece by piece and before you even realized it, there was this huge wall

Neither of you will tear it down, there’s a slight chance neither of you will even acknowledge this wall but its there.

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I’ve accepted it, started decorating it. Hanging up pictures in frames of familiar faces and quote’s that inspire me. Life just keeps going unaware of the many walls that are built by men and woman, lovers and friends.

Man or woman, lover or friend.

Decorate your side of the wall and move forward. Forget what was and acknowledge what is.

Best regards.

Expectations

I wanna know why we let our emotions get the better of us?

Why does a woman allow her heart to over power her mind?

We know when we are wrong, we know when we gotta let go and we truly know when we have to move on and yet we don’t.

Is it stubbornness?

Is it ego?

Is it love?

Who the fuck knows?

You do bitch. You know.

It’s you being a fuckin terca, throwing a fucking tantrum bc a man told you no.

Because you ain’t getting what you expected.

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Expectation is a tricky bitch.

Are you one of them that jumps from dude to dude with high expectations?

Are you a hopeless romantic?

Are you afraid of being alone?

It’s not them, it’s us.

Don’t expect a man to fix you.

Don’t expect a man to fix your life.

A man, a fiancé, a husband isn’t gonna fix shit.

Fix yourself so that when the right man comes along you won’t be expecting anything but genuine love from him and be wise enough to know that if he isn’t giving it willingly, he isn’t going to.

On the other end of that spectrum, when you know, you know.

Nothing, not time, not distance, not bumps in the road will steer you off track. You’ll make it, together.

And when I say bumps in the road I don’t mean infidelity or shit that you bring into the relationship. I mean the shit that is out of your control, things that happen in life that you are unprepared for.

Stop fighting for a man who can’t keep his dick in check. Or check yourself and stop giving your pussy to random dudes.

Keeping it real, we can be shady too.

Don’t bring in extra drama, relationships are hard enough without someone adding to the mix.

So again I ask, why do we allow our emotions to run shit? When your mind is clearly giving you the answers when your gut is screaming at you, why do we listen to our bleeding heart?

At the end of the day, the only person you should expect anything from is yourself.

You should expect yourself to be at peace when you’re alone.

You should expect yourself to pay your own damn bills.

You should expect yourself to know the difference between love and lust.

You should only expect greatness from yourself.

You.

Put you first and everything else will align.

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I woke up and I was in a different body…

How the fuck did I get here?

The room is unfamiliar, the bed, while incredibly comfortable smells like a man.

I dig my head into the pillow in an effort to identify the smell, unknown and yet so familiar.

My body feels different, heavier, sluggish, I touch my face in an attempt to make sure I am still me.

I slide my hands down to my breast, yup, still me.

I’ve been begging my boobs to grow since I hit puberty, they didn’t care how much I begged.

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The rest of me feels thicker, definitely not a size small anymore.

I must be in a different body, this can’t be me.

I lift my new heavier body out of bed and walk over to the huge mirror occupying the wall and there she is.

I woke up and I was in a different body.

I wonder if this new body has money in the bank… hmmm

She’s a little older than me but still very pretty, youthful in her face and neck.

Who is she and why does she seem so familiar.

I glance at the photographs that occupy her wall, a familiar face.

She is me. A different, older version but without a doubt, me.

It’s horrifying, where did my youth go and who the fuck said I wanted to be an adult!?

 

You guys ever feel like you woke up in a different body? Where the fuck did the time go and when did we become adults with responsibilities! Tell me, what is something that you wish you would have known before entering adulthood? I wish I would have known just how real it is when they say, MONEY DOESN’T GROW ON TREES! FML. Oh, and I would have listened when I was told to SAVE, SAVE, SAVE!

SEX & the average woman?

SEX.

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For women, the beginning of our sexual lives is daunting. Those of us raised to believe that we should wait until marriage or we will be punished by God had a much harder time giving up our virginity than most. It doesn’t mean we didn’t or that we waited until marriage, it just means we had a complex over it and felt a guilt that tormented us for much longer than necessary.

One man, that is all it takes to shatter you. One man to fuck you up and give you a complex and fill you with insecurities. Isn’t that the way it goes ladies?

As you piece yourself back together you learn all about life, love, and sex.

SEX and all the power it gives us, SEX and all the emotions it brings on, SEX and the goddess inside you. That badass woman you had yet to acknowledge.

I went on to have a very active and satisfying sex life. Did I suffer from a broken heart, absolutely, it’s part of the growth process but I realized in my twenties that a broken heart would heal and the woman you are meant to be will very much find her way into existence.

Sex was a part of that growth, without a doubt.

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I find myself in my early 30’s, in love and monogamous.

I do not feel unsatisfied instead I feel as if sometimes I cannot satisfy… does that make sense?

I don’t want you to think I don’t want to have sex but sometimes, I just don’t want to have sex.

Of course, that sounds horrible and it makes me feel horrible but I wonder if it has to do with my age or perhaps my weight? Maybe the ovarian cyst that I have dealt with have also hindered my desire? I guess that can also be attributed to my weight as with all health concerns you are told to lose a few pounds.

Maybe that’s the cure to everything?

Am I too comfortable at this unhealthy weight?

Am I just super lazy at this stage in my life or what the fuck is happening??

It didn’t use to take very much to get me hot and bothered.

I wonder if I started to soon and I’ve run out of sex drive? (Is that possible?) I also wonder if those cysts can be some sort of physical punishment for my active sex life so early on. No, no I guess that’s not the way it works right?

Why does it seem to take much more than it used to?

I’m confused and angry with myself.

It has to be my weight right?

We do have a teenager in the next room and while that didn’t bother me before she’s made it very clear that the walls are thin. (Sorry!)

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It’s a combination of all things, I guess?

How do you explain this to your man without him feeling like you’re no longer attracted to him?

I let that thought simmer for a while, could that be it?

Nope, not it, I still find myself very much attracted to him but that sex drive, that desire for sex itself is harder to engage than it was even a year ago.

I decided to exercise more and eat better, I’ll let you know how that goes.

Listen, we are told to be confident at any size and at any weight but I will be the first to admit that I have been unhappy with myself for a while. There is no shame in that and I’m not bashing anyone who weighs what I weigh and is glowing in confidence, that’s amazing!

So make a change and stop crying, right?

That’s more of a mental challenge for me than an actual physical one.

(If I could only get my mouth to cooperate.)

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It is mental, it’s all mental. So how do you reprogram yourself?

First of all:

Don’t feel bad for feeling bad about your weight.

Don’t feel ashamed for struggling, we all struggle.

Don’t allow these things to affect your life, especially your sex life.

I talked to my man and he understood. He also enlightened me to the fact that not only does me being unhappy and uncomfortable with myself kill my sex drive but it makes me really moody and kind of a bitch.

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Not a good vibe.

I don’t want to be a size 12 or a size 14; I don’t want to weigh 200 pounds. I don’t care if that sounds negative, I want to be at a healthy weight and be whatever size comes with that weight.

I want to have sex with my man and lots of it.

I’m curious; ladies do you struggle in the same way? Have you noticed a change in your sex drive with your weight, age or with your lifestyle choices?

Let’s share and help women struggling with these everyday issues!

 

 

A letter to my younger self.

Dear Julie,

At some point in your life, you’re going to find yourself fighting for a man who isn’t yours. You will eventually realize that you took your bruised heart from one unworthy man to another. He will seem right but I promise you he is all wrong. You have let him go before and you will let him go again. He won’t make it easy to walk away, in fact, when you finally build the courage to let go he will pull you back in.

Being who you are and loving the way you do, you will let him.

You will make a million mistakes for him and because of him but don’t worry they won’t matter. They will allow you to learn yourself and grow into yourself. The men who come into your life after him will help you heal, also allowing you to learn about yourself. They will serve their purpose and then you will move on.

There will be a chapter in your life where you will find yourself alone but I promise you will find the light. All of your life experiences will serve you. You see, there is a man waiting for you. A man who will make you realize and help you understand why nothing else seemed to fit. This man will love you. YOU. Who you truly are. He will be the one to give you that final push into womanhood, allowing you to grow into yourself. He will treasure every bit of you, I promise. Your past, your present and your future, all a means to love you.

So, go ahead, live your life, love the way you love, make mistakes and learn your lessons. Your life will be all that you envisioned and all that you’ve desired. Be patient and humble, trust yourself and love yourself. Not only will you find the love of a real man but you will love you, unconditionally.

You will be one badass woman.

xo,

Your future self.

 

P.S.

Oh and this mom thing, you’ve got it handled but you should know the older she gets the more like you she will become, sort of.

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What a man wants, matters.

Why is it so hard for us to let go of toxic people?

We make excuses for them and about them, about their actions or lack of actions.

We have a kid or kids with said person and in our minds that designates this person with a lifetime of do-overs.

Um, no.

I have a baby daddy and letting him go was hard, until it wasn’t.

I’ve been lost in infatuation and love and letting go of that man was hard until it wasn’t. (different guy, FYI.)

My point is that when you’re in the thick of it, in the midst of the madness you can’t see said person for who they really are, man or woman. Baby daddy or baby momma.

Letting go of a man who doesn’t serve you isn’t easy. I am the first to admit that when we want something all logic goes out the window.

I was 15 when I had my daughter, until the age of 18, her father was the only man I’d ever been with, sexually and emotionally.

The second guy came into my life while I was pregnant, making it a difficult situation for all involved, especially me. How was I supposed to handle a situation so complicated?

I got my chance to try with, “right guy wrong time” guy, right before turning 18. In short, things did not go the way I hoped. In fact, they turned out to be much more complicated and it took me two years to move on. He would come and go and I would come and go. In that time, I went back to my baby daddy, not because we were meant to be or because I loved him but simply because I could. It didn’t matter that he was an ass or a monster, what mattered was that he was familiar. Baby daddy so desperately wanted to be in control of me and our relationship that he also came and went when necessary. That is called costumbre, a crazy kind of comfort that shitty relationships give us because we’re used to them.

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That is not healthy.

It’s bullshit. It’s drama. It’s pain.

I went through my share of men and relationships and I realized that the only reason I suffered was that I allowed myself to.

Me.

Is that what you’re doing? Are you allowing yourself to suffer?

You can do everything right, you can be the perfect woman and if that man is not ready or he is unwilling to do right, it won’t matter. That man has to want to do right by you and he has to be ready. Women make the mistake of waiting or trying to fix him and make him ready, make him want the same. You can walk away and find a man who is ready and willing, a man who wants what you want or you can stand idly by waiting for a man to become ready and willing. But until that man WANTS to do right by you, he won’t.

STOP waiting for a man who is unwilling.

STOP trying to convince him that you’re the one.

STOP putting him and the relationship before you and your self-worth.

I know it’s easier said than done but how much longer are you going to waste your life?

It was hard for me until it wasn’t.

You’ll get to “it wasn’t” much sooner if you accept the reality of your situation and let go.

Not everyone is meant to stay, not everyone deserves or wants to be saved. Some people are meant to be was and used to be. Figure out who’s who and move on.

STOP making excuses, so what he was your first, you’ve invested years, you have a kid or two, so what?

One baby daddy

Two baby daddy

Three baby daddy

Four…who the fuck cares. You don’t deserve to play second best. You are not trapped or stuck. You’re confused and scared because change is scary and letting go is hard but it’s worth it. Walk away with your head held high. You have an example to set, self-worth matters more than how many baby daddy’s you have.

Life happens while you’re busy trying to make a man want you, do yourself a favor and walk away.

Walk away and I promise if he’s meant to be yours he won’t let you.

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Men are not as complicated as we think, they either want it or they don’t. It’s not confusing for them, they may have conflicting feelings at times but they know when they want someone and they do what they gotta do.

So you do what you gotta do until the right man, the willing man comes along. ♥

How do you feel about this topic and this post? Would you be willing to read a book dedicated to this subject? My newest book is directed and dedicated to women, a guide of sorts to let go.

Do you love yourself enough

I’m hoping to release mid-summer and if you’d like details to pre-order or receive a pre-release copy drop a comment, leave your email or simply subscribe to the blog! Gracias!

 

Karma

Karma…is she not magnificent?

When you least expect it she comes and kicks your ass or in the best case scenario, she redeems you in the perfect moment.

Why do I say she? Well let’s be real, only a woman could be so vengeful, only a woman could perfectly time sweet revenge or validation.

Whether Karma is coming to your defense or to completely ruin your life, she’s coming.pexels-photo-212410.jpeg

As most of you know, I have been writing a book entitled “Do you love yourself, enough to love yourself?” 12 steps to getting you out from under him and finally getting the fu$k over him! In this how-to, help book of sorts, I ask that you list 5 reasons why you need to let him go. I’m going to help you and provide you with one reason, KARMA.

Yes, ladies, karma should be the number one reason you let go and let him be. Sometimes relationships don’t work and that’s ok, even if you have a kid or two or three! When a man is not meant for you and you hold on you are creating instant karma. He is not for you.

Repeat after me,

“He is not for me, God knows why even if I don’t”

How is that bad or negative karma? It’s simple, if you’re really honest with yourself you know exactly why things are over or why they never truly began in some cases, so go over those reasons and then insert the karmic effects.

♠ You were the other woman, whether you knew or not, karma will come back for you. (or vice versa)

♠ You lied to him, you cheated on him or vice versa, karma will have her way with you and if it was him doing the lying and cheating, karma will validate you, you just have to step aside and let her do her work.

♠ You’re not in the same headspace, you can’t see eye to eye, you want more than he’s willing to give you.. or vice versa. Karma knows when and how she will remind you of the man you could not let go, she will remind you how you made his life difficult because he wasn’t ready. Or the total opposite, she will validate you.

 

Let go of him for you, for your karmic bank. Fill that account with nothing but ROI’s!

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Seriously, if a man is truly meant for you, even a break or time apart won’t change that. Let time and karma do what they do.

 

PS. I will be giving away 5 copies of my latest book, “Do you love yourself enough to love yourself?” Like the post, leave a comment, share on your social, subscribe to the blog via email whichever one (or all) works for you to be entered!! Thank you lovelies!!