I woke up and I was in a different body…

How the fuck did I get here?

The room is unfamiliar, the bed, while incredibly comfortable smells like a man.

I dig my head into the pillow in an effort to identify the smell, unknown and yet so familiar.

My body feels different, heavier, sluggish, I touch my face in an attempt to make sure I am still me.

I slide my hands down to my breast, yup, still me.

I’ve been begging my boobs to grow since I hit puberty, they didn’t care how much I begged.

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The rest of me feels thicker, definitely not a size small anymore.

I must be in a different body, this can’t be me.

I lift my new heavier body out of bed and walk over to the huge mirror occupying the wall and there she is.

I woke up and I was in a different body.

I wonder if this new body has money in the bank… hmmm

She’s a little older than me but still very pretty, youthful in her face and neck.

Who is she and why does she seem so familiar.

I glance at the photographs that occupy her wall, a familiar face.

She is me. A different, older version but without a doubt, me.

It’s horrifying, where did my youth go and who the fuck said I wanted to be an adult!?

 

You guys ever feel like you woke up in a different body? Where the fuck did the time go and when did we become adults with responsibilities! Tell me, what is something that you wish you would have known before entering adulthood? I wish I would have known just how real it is when they say, MONEY DOESN’T GROW ON TREES! FML. Oh, and I would have listened when I was told to SAVE, SAVE, SAVE!

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Self Published.

I recently self-published a book called, “Heart First, Head Later.”

Writing the book was a self-evolving process. I allowed myself to reminisce about my past and the experiences that broke me and helped me grow.

Writing is therapeutic for me and I’m sure many others. As a writer, I can only hope that what I am putting into the universe is acknowledged and appreciated.

When I first began the book it was not going to be based solely on my experiences but those of the women who I find myself learning from. I quickly realized that in order for me to express what other women have taught me, I first had to appreciate what I have taught myself.

“Heart First, Head Later” is my story, through poems and storytelling I allow you a glimpse into who I was and how I became the strong-minded, independent women I am today. This is the scariest thing I’ve ever done. I had a baby at 15 and compared to this, that was a piece of cake.

It is the scariest thing imaginable to put yourself out there for the world to see. To express your truths knowing not only people who do not know you will read it but also people who do know you. I am afraid of being judged for the mistakes I made in my youth, but I am willing to be judged if it will allow a woman or girl who feels like she is in it alone, know that she is not. No women should ever feel as though she is the only one. We have all done things and made mistakes. We are human and in that we are imperfect. In that imperfection lies a beauty that only real people can appreciate.

My boyfriend got a kick out of the title, “Head later”, he laughed. That was not my intent in the title, as he will come to see when he reads it. However, once he reads it he will see how it also ironically makes sense in that way as well. Eeek, it makes me nervous that he will read it but he loves me. Me, he loves me. I wouldn’t be me if not for all the lessons life taught me.

Heres to putting yourself out there and taking chances!! Follow your dreams and jump in Heart first, Head later! 😉

 

 

Positivity?

I try to be a positive person but I’m real.

I have been working on myself, my finances and my health.

2018 will be my year, I’m speaking (writing) it into existence right here, right now.

I have been working on a passion project that will hopefully inspire women and be something they can relate to. A book of truths and poetry, I have just completed my 100th draft, not really but it feels that way. I think I’m changing the title, again. This one will stick, it kind of created itself from the work.  I’m doing all this while working a full-time job, property management, its how I pay the bills, for now. (fingers crossed.)

While doing me, I am also attempting to live life with my significant other. We’re saving money to buy a house, get married, have some babies, you know real adult type stuff.

As I mentioned before I’m a property manager by day and one of the perks is that I don’t pay rent.

I know, hate me, it’s awesome.

You’re probably thinking that I’m close to achieving my financial goals, the short answer is …

Fuck no!

I hate to admit it but I’m so broke. Don’t get me wrong my bills are paid and the fridge is stocked but I do not have the financial freedom I should. I kick myself in the ass whenever I do the math, I’ve been a property manager with the same company for 9 years. 😦

I have taken steps to produce more income, one of my favorites is selling stuff on apps like Poshmark. They’re not paying me to tell you about them but if they’d like to, I’m open to it!  🙂

In all seriousness, a super easy app to manage and so safe. No meeting up with people just ship the item(s) off. Buyer pays shipping and Poshmark takes a small fee, check it out if you have clothing, shoes or accessories you no longer use.

I’ve also had to cut my daily Starbucks trip, that in itself leaves me with extra money.

Trust me when I say I’ve beaten myself up over the situation I put myself in.

I tell myself that I need to take things one day at a time.

I cannot stress over what I cannot change.

So much easier said then done but I will achieve my goals and I will get financially healthy!!

Any tips? What are your motivations for making 2018 your best year yet?